Tag: fear

The things you did today

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The things you did today, the meetings you attented to, the people you have exchanged ideas with, the tasks you have dedicated your attention to, the distractions that took you on a tangent, the breaks to recharge the batteries.

What place do they have in the long term picture?

It’s great when things flow effortlessly into the right place, when all we do seems light and serving the right purpose, and yet more often than not our daily routines feel like a start and stop, two steps in the right direction and three in the wrong one.

We do not dedicate enough time to understanding what our long term looks like, what are the reasons why do what we do, and what we will from now on accept and what not.

It’s only by raising our heads up from the narrowness of the short term that we can figure this out. And when we have done that, let’s go and pursue it with relentless discipline.

It’s not you asking

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You need to establish a relationship with the people you are serving, and ask them how you are doing often.

Of course, this means you might not like what they have to say, your customer satisfaction score might be low, you will have to work harder, and perhaps eventually you will have to change quite a lot of your product or service, or even get out of business.

But it’s not you asking that makes these things true.

Things are what they are, and even when we refrain from finding out – because we don’t want to know we are not liked, or find out our hard work is not hard enough, or realize we won’t get that bonus or promotion -, they will continue on their course with no regard for our preoccupation.

At least, with knowledge, we might be able to adjust just in time.

The world around us

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How do we understand that the world does not revolve around us?

That a person we barely know is behaving in an unpleasant way not to make us feel bad?

That our dearest friend is not calling anymore not because they no longer find our company pleasant?

That our boss has not picked our work not because it is of a lower quality?

That our partner is being more silent lately not because they are mad at us?

We are all main characters to our own story. Once we unlock this understanding, we can start approaching the facts of life with empathy and openness, instead of seeing them as a confirmation of our unworthiness.

It is time.

Undeserving

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There’s a feeling that often arises when we achieve something we’ve been working on for long. The feeling of not deserving it.

Our minds work in a weird way.

In the very moment we should be the proudest of ourselves, when our efforts have finally turned into results, we feel like it was all a huge mistake, we really are not worthy of it, and eventually, soon, someone is going to find out and take it all away.

When that happens, do two things.

First, voice your fear. Tell it to somebody close to you and, if possible, also to somebody close to the achievement. If, for example, the achievement is professional, tell it to a colleague, or even to your boss, in case there’s enough trust established between the two of you.

Second, understand that this is what makes it important. You would not feel that for something you would not care about. The very fact you are in that position means it was an achievement worth pursuing and that it matters to you.

We can’t escape the feeling, but there’s no need to let it take control of us and govern our next moves.

The only way

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With the amount of possibilities out there, with all the options one has to learn new things and reinvent themselves, it is very easy to get stuck.

It is the feeling of never being enough, the search for perfection, the impression to always need something more before actually getting going.

It is resistance.

Sit down instead and do the work. You’ll get better at it with time, better also at judging what to adjust, in which direction to progress, what else to learn, who to listen to. Doing the work is the only way.