Change is hard, complaining is easy.
That’s why we default to the latter when things get tough. For as much as we are unsatisfied with the current situation, it is a situation we know, we are familiar with, we understand. By complaining, we keep it under some sort of control and we normalize it.
Complaining is not bad per se. It can help us look inside and understand what it is we do not like. Of course, the problem starts when complaining becomes a constant state. We complain about work, the boss, about our relationships, the kids, our friends, our family, the government. That’s when we need to find the courage to get out of the comfortable spiral and actually do change.
It usually goes, change yourself first, then try to change the situation.
Not the other way around.
When you create something, some will not like it.
When you share an idea, some will find it impractical.
When you launch a project, some will say it will never work.
When you have a solution, some will argue it’s not the right one.
When you find a problem, some will say they can live with it.
Of course, the point has never been to have everybody agree. The point is doing something that feels right, and doing it consistently and continuously enough, so that others can find it and come on board.
Good and bad things happen at all times, all the time.
We just need to focus our attention on those that make us feel fine.
Simple, not easy.
The more people are asked to give opinions on a project, the more urgent it is and the less important it is.
The more people are cc’ed in an email thread, the more urgent it is and the less important it is.
The more reviews and approvals a piece of work needs, the more urgent it is and the less important it is.
The more involvement in a project from upper management and executive team, the more urgent it is and the less important it is.
The more a decision is changed (in a short span of time), the more urgent it is and the less important it is.
Urgent is about fear, uncertainty, stress, distraction, pretense.
Important is about strategy, focus, long-term, doing, control.
When something is important, set the stage and clear the way. If you are doing your job right, somebody will own it and see to it till the final step.
You can be vulnerable by sharing your negative feelings, and you can be vulnerable by sharing the positive ones as well.
Tell that you feel happy, accomplished, in love, serene, successful, at peace, lucky, grateful, loved, accepted, at ease. You will be more exposed than you have ever been, and still be in a state of mind that will help you deal with the exposure and familiarize with it.
Training to be more vulnerable does not have to start from your deepest and darkest emotions. Go from a good place instead. It’s not necessarily easier, surely quite as effective.