Tag: fear

Cut

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When you are short on money.

When you are depleted.

When you simply have too much to do.

When there’s an emergency.

When your plans are at risk.

What do you cut?

A couple of things to consider.

Be in a position in which what you cut is up to you, as much as possible. Having somebody or something imposing cuts might well feel as just an additional burden, and you’ll have to cut more very soon. Make it an active decision, fight for it if necessary.

And of course, every cut sends a signal. On what you care about, what you stand for, what is important, the type of culture you want to promote and be part of, the legacy you want to leave behind.

By all means, cut. And do it conscientiously.

Stay present

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If you get to a point where you decide to quit, for any reason. Or you are in a situation where you are asked to quit. Or you get rejected over and over again.

What are you going to do?

It’s very natural to want to burn down bridges, move to the mountains, and dedicate the rest of your existence to monastic life. It’s the fetal position that many of us can relate to: we have invested, we have collected less than we believe was due, we feel pain and disappointment, and we want no more of that in our lives.

Yet, after the heat of the moment is gone, the consequences of the choices we have made will stick. If we have shouted, cancelled, smashed, abandoned, insulted, publicly stated that we are done with this and that. All this, will stay.

So, if you quit, are asked to quit, or get rejected. Stay present. It will spare you a lot of time and energy that you can put towards planning and executing what’s next.

Comfort and necessity

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If you treat comfort as if it were necessity, you’ll soon run out of steam in the pursue of it.

Comfort is unlimited, constantly temporary, almost always divisive. It is easy to forget and very difficult to reverse. Not impossible, but if you’ve ever moved from a 100 square metres apartment to a 60 square metres one, you know what I mean.

Necessity, on the other hand, is limited, pretty much stable over time, and unifying. We tend to forget about it, but when we do, necessity stings and we are brought back to reality.

When deciding where to invest your resources, material and not, make sure you understand the difference. Comfort is a mirage, necessity is concrete. Comfort disappoints, necessity empowers. Comfort blinds, necessity grounds.

Deep roots

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The disappointment you felt when they told you there was no promotion for you in the near future.

The anger at your boss, for not acknowledging the effort you put into the project they are getting praises for.

That argument about who was supposed to do that thing nobody wants to do.

The feeling your job is never going to be good enough, no matter how hard you try.

All these things, and many more, they are not born in the moment, as a sudden reaction to a single event. They have deep roots.

They are the product of previous experiences, of your childhood, of how your parents used to talk (or not talk) to you, of the many relationships you’ve had so far, of the thoughts you used to have when you were a kid, alone in your bedroom, before falling asleep.

They are incremental. They tend to repeat themselves, sometimes in slightly different ways, and to accumulate. Up until the point you are unable to experience much more else.

And so, the only thing you can do about it is to conquer them. Own them.

“I have stakes in this”, “I care”, ” I might feel as I did when..”. These are great starting points.

Do not hide them, repress them, push them down.

Find them, name them, remind them.

You might not be able to do this on your own. That’s fine.

About helping

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Helping others is not always easy, but it’s always the right thing to do.

Of course, “others” does not mean everybody. You have limits, boundaries and restrictions, and being aware of those is very important for your support to be effective. Similarly, “helping” takes different shapes in different situations, and you will find that what you did to help somebody might simply not work to help another.

Start with yourself, get a solid grasp on your own life, and then relentlessly open up to the others and be present. This might sound like a long way, but it might be the only alternative to “let me know if you need anything”.