When trying to help, you have to leave your ego behind.
Because of course, the other person might be listening with no intention to change, your advice might remain unfollowed, your words might actually produce an effect opposite to the desired one.
Giving help is like giving a gift: it’s up to the receiver to decide what to do with it, and we should not let the outcome reflect negatively on the act itself, on our benevolence, on our future actions.
How do we understand that the world does not revolve around us?
That a person we barely know is behaving in an unpleasant way not to make us feel bad?
That our dearest friend is not calling anymore not because they no longer find our company pleasant?
That our boss has not picked our work not because it is of a lower quality?
That our partner is being more silent lately not because they are mad at us?
We are all main characters to our own story. Once we unlock this understanding, we can start approaching the facts of life with empathy and openness, instead of seeing them as a confirmation of our unworthiness.
It is time.
There’s a feeling that often arises when we achieve something we’ve been working on for long. The feeling of not deserving it.
Our minds work in a weird way.
In the very moment we should be the proudest of ourselves, when our efforts have finally turned into results, we feel like it was all a huge mistake, we really are not worthy of it, and eventually, soon, someone is going to find out and take it all away.
When that happens, do two things.
First, voice your fear. Tell it to somebody close to you and, if possible, also to somebody close to the achievement. If, for example, the achievement is professional, tell it to a colleague, or even to your boss, in case there’s enough trust established between the two of you.
Second, understand that this is what makes it important. You would not feel that for something you would not care about. The very fact you are in that position means it was an achievement worth pursuing and that it matters to you.
We can’t escape the feeling, but there’s no need to let it take control of us and govern our next moves.
The story you want to tell is under your control.
Of course, people might misinterpret, maliciously distort, simply not understand. And yet, at the end of the day, the story you are trying to spread (about yourself, your work, your product) is something for you to first figure out and then to consistently put out there. No matter your mood, the negative feelings, the bad beats, the facts of life, the injustice of the world, the obtuseness of others, the latest trend.
Sitting at your table hoping that others will eventually get it is fruitless.
Actually, it is most likely that by doing so the misinterpretations, the distortions, the misunderstandings will just keep growing out of proportion, until communication is no longer possible.
Always be deliberate in the way you tell your story, the seeds you plant with your actions, the way it translates in how you treat others. It’s the sole way it might eventually get through.
With the amount of possibilities out there, with all the options one has to learn new things and reinvent themselves, it is very easy to get stuck.
It is the feeling of never being enough, the search for perfection, the impression to always need something more before actually getting going.
It is resistance.
Sit down instead and do the work. You’ll get better at it with time, better also at judging what to adjust, in which direction to progress, what else to learn, who to listen to. Doing the work is the only way.
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