Tag: values

Giving

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Why do you give?

Option number 1 is, because by giving you expect the other(s) to feel obliged to giving you back at some point. For as bad and opportunistic as this sounds, we often approach giving from this standpoint, believing our action will lead to some sort of return at a later moment in time. Working hard to get a promotion is a good and quite common example.

Option number 2 is, because by giving you expect the other(s) to feel inspired to giving back at some point. You have certainly noticed the two tiny yet important differences: first of all, inspiration is a better call to action than obligation; secondly, you remove yourself from being the recipient of the giving back. Working hard to set a high standard for others to aspire to (no matter when, where, and how they’ll get there) is a good and fairly uncommon example.

Option 1 binds others to your plans, option 2 frees them to find their own way to fulfill their act of giving. Option 1 sets you for disappointment and others for dissatisfaction, option 2 sets you for amazement and others for discovery. Option 1 understands work for a reward, option 2 is work for the sake of doing work.

Be mindful when you choose.

Insecure

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If you feel insecure, say it out loud.

The alternative is to try to take control of everything, check that work is done according to your taste, grab both strategy and execution, possibly move from one place to the next without achieving nothing that is worth sharing, shout in the face of those who bear no responsibility, be kind with those who bear plenty, judge for the fear of being judged, diminish others to maintain the feeling to be on top.

If you feel insecure, say it out loud. While people tend to stay clear from the behaviour listed above, they appreciate vulnerability and the capacity to own one’s own feelings. Furthermore, the moment you name it is the moment you start getting more secure. And a whole new world will open for you.

200

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Today is my 200th post on this blog.

As I write day after day, I realize there are two broad topics that I enjoy to focus on. Strictly interrelated, but different.

The first one is about awareness. Understanding who we are as persons. It has a lot to do with soul-searching, empowering us to deeply grasp what we are around for, what we set out to do, why that matters to us. It is a curious aspect, as most people are not really into it. We have the tendency to focus our efforts and attention on action, rather than reflection. I was definitely not into it, until a few years back.

The second one is about practice. Do what you are doing, for the reasons and with the determination you have shed light upon with reflection. Be consistent with it, not letting failures or defeats interrupt the flow. Or in case you get to interrupt it for any reasons, understanding that it is not the end of who you are, and the things you practice will still be there for you once you are ready to commit to them anew.

The two are inseparable, they are in constant dialogue: doing things without understanding the reasons why you are doing them, or knowing who you are without expressing yourself in the world in some ways, is sad and disappointing.

The real magic happens when there is alignment between awareness and practice. It is not a thing for the moment, rather something to approach with long term in mind. And yet, there’s no better moment to start than right now.

Fair price

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In our days and age of uninterrupted special offers, it’s worth keeping in mind few things.

Free does not exist. It’s a mirage, an oasis of opportunities where all you can actually find is mere sand. That’s why, for example, social networks are such a disappointing experience: not only they are not free to their real customers (advertisers), they are also not free for us all, for our communities, for the society. They are fake, a mirage indeed.

Cheap does exist. And yet, you have to keep in mind that somebody is paying for the missing bit. Sometimes it is the customer, in the form of poor quality. Sometimes it is the employees, in the form of poor working conditions. Sometimes it is the community, in the form of less taxes. Almost never, it is the owners.

Expensive does scare. First, because we live in a world of cheap. Second, because not necessarily the premium price prevents the risks intrinsic to cheap from manifesting. So, you might turn out with something you have paid very much for and is still poor quality, bad working conditions, low taxes.

Fair does entice. It is the result of continuous negotiation and changing scenarios. Also, it’s not only applied to monetary evaluation. As consumers, we are empowered to ask for fairer quality, fairer working conditions, fairer taxes. Also when they do not affect us firsthand. Especially when they do not affect us firsthand.

Fair is a difficult concept, and it is often overwhelmed by convenience. It is ok if we are not ready to go for it. Let’s just be mindful about what the other options imply.

Unreal

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The expectations we set for others are often so unrealistic that would we set them for ourselves, we would immediately get stuck.

We are not in the best position to say what others should or should not do, what they should or should not believe in, how they should or should not treat us. The most we can do is picture a fictitious setting in our mind, and then play out a scene in which we are deus ex machina. Of course then, what we would do there would be perfect, flawless, impeccable. And again, unrealistic.

Everyone is the main character to their own movie. We should aim at being a gentle one, one that is freed from the hard-wired desire to judge every situation, one that would lend an helping hand rather than point an accusatory finger. In the movie that is life, that’s the type of person you want around.