Tag: values

Here to stay

FabrizioLeave a comment

When somebody attacks you on some of the features that define you (your work, your values, your reputation), all you can do is continue nurturing those very same features.

Going head-to-head can be fascinating in a sense. Demolishing the attacker’s argument, pointing out all the good that you have done, bringing people onboard to testify on that goodness, providing evidence that what you say is correct. Fascinating, and costly. And eventually it will most likely play in the hands of your opposer.

You are in it for the long term, not for the next news cycle. Work, values, reputation are built over time. Let others craft and enjoy the hourly commentary, the back-and-forth, the speculation, as it will be soon gone.

You, on the other hand, are here to stay.

Paths

FabrizioLeave a comment

There are many paths to success.

And so all you have to do, day in and day out, is walk the path that leads where you want to go, in a way you are comfortable with and that aligns with your values and stories.

If you let others define this for you, you are missing on the best part.

Worth accepting

FabrizioLeave a comment

The very same event can be described by those involved in very different ways. The same person can describe the same event in different ways at different times.

Does this mean one version is the correct one and the others are wrong?

When we describe what is happening to us we almost never stick to the facts. We bring with us past experiences, values, emotions, sensations, expectations, and as time passes our memory filters out most of what does not align with our story.

And so it happens that often a version is correct for the person narrating it, and wrong for those listening.

Something worth accepting.

Training empathy

FabrizioLeave a comment

We must say “I am sorry” and “thank you” as many time as it is needed to strip the expressions of any trace of shame, defeat, capitulation. We must say that often, over and over again.

Even when we are not fully convinced we should.

Even when the other person’s behaviour does not fully justify it.

Even when there are tens of additional things to take into consideration.

It is one of the most effective ways to train the empathy muscle, and start seeing those around us as human beings that live outside of our narratives.

Give it a try.

Happiness

FabrizioLeave a comment

No one is responsible for your happiness but you.

Not your boss, who is delaying your promotion until next year.

Not your partner, who is distracted by their troubles and can’t always give what you would like.

Not your kids, who have been fussy lately, always trying to catch your attention as soon as you start doing something that matters.

Not your friends, who cannot commit to a vacation together for any reason they choose to share.

People around you are important and crucial in supporting your efforts, sharing your values and worldview, making you learn and grow as a human being. Yet, the decisions they make and the actions they take are not the reasons why you are (or are not) happy.

No one is responsible for your happiness but you.

And you are responsible for no one’s happiness but yours.

With this in mind, focus.