Tag: self-improvement

Listening and asking

Fabrizio4 Comments

Two strong recommendations if you are into podcasts and leadership.

The Look and Sound of Leadership, by Tom Henschel.

Coaching for Leaders, by Dave Stachowiak.

They ship respectively monthly and weekly, and they are full of interesting insights and suggestions on how to be a modern leader.

If you want to start from somewhere, this one is a beautiful conversation about how poor we are at listening and what we can achieve by improving such basic skill.

In average, a person would speak about 150 words a minute. Yet in their mind, they can think up to 900 words a minute. If we stop at hearing the first thing a person says, there’s a huge chance we do not really hear what they wanted to actually express.

Oscar Trimboli

We have all had that feeling of not being able to sufficiently elaborate on our thoughts. We can get better at capturing our ideas, and still the role of the listener, particularly when in a position of power, is enabling our ability to clarify what we want to express and make us say it out loud.

And as a complement on the topic, this other one episode goes into some details about what we can do to facilitate and stimulate conversations. The key is being able to formulate good, open questions that give the other space to reflect and open up.

I hope you enjoy.

Patience

Fabrizio1 Comment

Despite common belief, patience is not a passive quality.

Patience means being committed. Devotion and dedication are necessary to stay in a situation long enough, to make the uncomfortable feel comfortable, to push away the instict of moving on to something else that might look more appealing in the moment. A patient person might look like somebody who has given up, and yet deep down they are decisively in.

Patience also means being aware. Knowing what is going on, proactively seeking for signals, interpreting the situation and learning from it. It is more than merely waiting, as it involves a conscious cognitive work aimed at collecting information about one’s sorroundings in order to effectively understand.

If you look at patience through this lens, then it should be easy to understand how crucial it can be in business and, more generally, in life.

Recognition

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There’s incredible value in emancipating from the need of recognition.

We all want our work to be acknowledged, appreciated, rewarded. And yet, when doing that, we shift the focus of the work itself on something that is beyond our control. We set ourselves up for failure. Others often do not praise our efforts and results, not because they are malicious or do not care, simply because their agenda is front and center to them, just as much as our is to us.

So, the alternative is to find pleasure in what you are doing and accepting the recognition that comes from within. I understand it is something that does not come natural, but it can be trained.

Daily or regular practices are great for this. When you meditate every day, record your thoughts on the page every day, workout three times a week. When you do something that requires a certain effort (mental and physical) and creates something that was not there before. Regularly. Then, after a while you start realising that you are not doing it because of the praises you get, you are committing simply because it is something that makes you feel good.

With work, it’s not different. Of course, you change roles, companies, countries, industries. And yet your work can be a daily activity, a daily practice, that has the potential to make you feel good. No matter if your boss says “great work!”, or if you eventually end up getting that promotion.

People, us in the first place, should get better at opening their eyes and recognise the work of others. That’s a fact. And it’s also something we can do anything about.

While we wait, we can train at appreciating the practice of doing what we do.

Tasks you don’t like

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The way you deal with a task you don’t want to do greatly defines how you approach change.

You can refuse to do it, as you don’t want. Set out to seek another task, another job, another purpose. And yet, despite the continuos search, you favour the status quo. Your status quo. No big changes on the horizon.

You can do it, without commitment. Do just the bare minimun, or maliciously comply. Most organizations almost demand you to do that. Even in this case, there’s not much to expect in terms of change, as the less you commit the more things will stay the same. Your boss is not going to realize they are wrong.

You can do it, to the best of your possibilities. Already in the act of doing, trying to better the outcome, even if marginally. And in the meantime letting the minor achievements recharge your batteries and increase your competence. All in preparation of changing the task itself and the hearts of those assigning it. Drip by drip. Until you actually end up liking it. It’s a long and windy road, and you’ll end up changing the world.

What matters

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It’s normal to want to please others. It’s naive to try to please everybody.

Eventually, you’ll have to say some nos, whether you’ll do that explicitly or implicitly. The different commitments you have taken are going to clash with one another, and at least a bunch of them are going to be left behind. Your work is going to put off some people, and in the attempt to smooth the corners, you’ll end up losing those who used to like it as well.

When you try to please everybody, it’s highly likely you’ll please nobody.

Instead, start by asking some uncomfortable yet important questions. Who am I trying to serve? Who/what does matter to me? Who do I think highly of? What should I do today to achieve what I set out to do tomorrow?

It sounds counter intuitive that by looking for answers within ourselves we’ll end up serving others better. You should give it a try.