Tag: self-improvement

Above everything else

Fabrizio1 Comment

If you are not enjoying the journey, how do you expect the destination to be any different?

If you do not like your job, the work that needs to be done, sitting down at your desk, taking coffee with a colleague, having that difficult conversation. How do you expect the next promotion to change all that?

If you do not feel happy in your relationship, hate to spend time together, fear the moment something important needs to be discussed, prefer to go on vacation with anybody but your partner. How do you expect the upcoming wedding to change all that?

If you are not up for practice, choose a lazy afternoon in over a run in the park, forget to bring your equipment to training, do not listen to your coach when they advise you, follow your very own personal diet. How do you expect the next personal best to change all that?

We put too much emphasis on milestones, but milestones are nothing more than the sum of the various moments you have lived to get there.

Cherish the journey, above everything else.

No matter what

FabrizioLeave a comment

Once you have interiorized the fact that most of what happens is beyond your control, there is still value in doing the work, in waking up to change the world, in putting effort into making things better.

Accepting is not the same as giving up. Accepting is understanding that despite our superior qualifications, our impeccable work, our relentless commitment, our strongest will, things might not turn out the way we want. And live with it as we live knowing that the day will follow the night, without letting this simple fact impacting our worth and merit.

This is actually the only way we can ensure we will pursue our purpose no matter what.

The first time

FabrizioLeave a comment

The first time you catch yourself blaming your not doing something on an external factor is the very moment you should stop complaining and start doing.

I can’t do that because I do not have time.

I can’t do that because my partner would not agree.

I can’t do that because my boss would not praise me.

I can’t do that because society would not accept me.

Instead, the first time is often the beginning of a series of excuses we use to not put in the work. It is a place to hide, a wall we build, it is resistance. If you can’t do it the first time, do it the second, the third, the tenth, the hundredth. Do it sooner rather than later. Do it now.

Two stories

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you ask two people to describe the same meeting – or any other social happening they participate in -, you will most likely get two different stories. Sure, there will be some points in common, and yet many of the details will appear as if they do not belong to the same shared experience.

This is even more true the more history there is between the two people, and between them and the others attending the event. We all build our own narratives, and our mind is happier when it can focus just on things that confirm the narratives rather than disprove them. It is not uncommon to talk to two halves of a long term relationship, and find their versions of what happened in certain circumstances are quite opposite: one wanted to show affection, the other interpreted rejection; one thought there was a deep discussion about a certain matter, the other is sure the thing was never even considered in the realm of possibilities.

We need to accept this reality.

And we need to overcommunicate when it has the potential to harm something we hold dear. Negotiating shared meaning is a conscious effort, and it’s possibly the only way to avoid turning to each other as strangers one day or the other.

Maximum effect

FabrizioLeave a comment

Who is your main antagonist?

Is it the person cutting the line? Is it your partner who does not understand what you want? Is it your friend that never calls you? Is it that big company with unlimited resources to come after you? Is it the new start-up that does not play by the rules? Is it the government trying to regulate a previously unregulated field? Is it the customer who does not understand the change you are making in the world? Is it your boss who cannot see you for what you are really worth?

Or is it you?

Your bad day, your contrasting goals, your lack of capabilities, your unwillingness to compromise, your rigidity, your inability to express your needs, your stretching yourself too thin.

Put your focus where you can maximise the effect.