When there is tension, when you feel those that are not on your side are simply too far away, when talking is arguing, when it seems impossible to find common ground.
Extend your hand.
Tag: relationships
A small step
When you talk about change, you might get a lot of resistance or a lot of cheering. Most likely, a mix of the two.
In both cases though, you are not one step closer to the change you are seeking.
And that is because telling about change is only one small step on a highway that also features telling about change again, finding supporters and aids, telling once more, showing what change is, buying in those who are against it, preparing everyone for change, reshaping the change story and spread it a bit farther, measuring change, following up to change, and initiating what comes after change.
A meeting or an email might be a good start, they are never the end of it. Even when everyone agrees. Particularly when everybody agrees.
Feelings and stories
If it feels like you are stuck in life, try expanding the time frame. You might be the same as one month ago, or one year ago, but what about three years, five years, ten years ago?
And should that not work, try changing the stick you use to measure. You might have been in the same role for a while, but what about your personal life, your circle of friends, your involvement with the local community?
The point is, if it feels like you are stuck in life, it is most likely just a feeling, and feelings come and go, as long as you do not transform them into stories.
Weakness
Weaknesses have the tendency to creep up on strengths, until they obfuscate them and leave them behind.
We give way more importance to what we are not good at, we often set goals to fill gaps we might have, we end up setting ourselves up for failure. And by doing so, we drift farther away from what makes us who we are.
Nobody is asking us to be good at everything but us.
Building relationships
The way you communicate reality is often more important than reality itself in building bonds. Or breaking them.
Say you have to share a decision with your team, one that is not fully fair, one you were not involved in making, one that will not make them happy.
You can state the fact, and say there is little that can be done to change reality. You can say that “little” is something your team will have to pull off, and that the deadline for it is in one week.
Or you can still state the fact, and say you are sorry for the situation. There is still something that can be done, and you will drive the effort, coordinating the work of the different team members.
Reality has not changed between option 1 and option 2.
Relationships have though.
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