Tag: fear

Not a straight line

FabrizioLeave a comment

Checking for others’ motives is a futile exercise, whose only purpose is to strengthen our internal narratives.

If I believe my work is not good enough, then the person asking how it is going is doing that only to mock me and enjoy my failure.

If I am not worth of the love of anybody, then the one checking on me is doing that only because they need something in return.

If I know I deserve that promotion, then the colleague who is silent about the process only wants to see my career end.

And on top of that, of couse motives are rarely absolute and unique. We ourselves often do things for a variety of reasons, some noble some less.

Helping those less lucky can be done out of compassion and because it gives us purpose.

We might ask how things are because we are genuinely interested in the other person and prefer to have chat rather than be left alone with our thoughts.

The tree we have planted in our garden is a great way to add to the green of the neighborhood and in its shadow we can relax in the hotter summer days.

Motives do not proceed in a straight line, and if we really want to find out about them, the best we can do is ask.

Better self

FabrizioLeave a comment

Most of us are on a journey to a better self, the best possible human being we can be at any given moment. And on such a journey, we are on our own. That does not mean we do not have partners, friends, parents and relatives, colleagues and peers, kids and acquaintances accompanying us and supporting us and giving us strength. What that means it that it is our responsibility alone to make decisions every day, at each turn, taking us closer to that better version of our selves.

Responding gently, rather than through clenched teeth.

Apologising, instead of waiting for an apology.

Saying thank you, instead of taking things for granted.

Sharing, instead of breeding narratives in our mind.

We are on our own, as they are on their own journey too.

See the 61

Fabrizio3 Comments

When you break an habit, particularly when it is still just an attempt to establish an habit, the tendency is to just give up the whole thing.

Perhaps you have medidated daily for two months, but then for a couple of days in a row you could not find any time to sit down and breathe. Most people would really struggle to go back to regular meditation. Despite the score being 61 to 2. That’s because we focus more on the streak than on the act itself. Once again, destination versus journey.

So when that happens, when you are breaking an habit, do not forget the work you have put in, the doing and the effort, the experience you have accumulated, the feeling of accomplishment.

Going back to it is not so impossible if what you see is the 61.

Above everything else

Fabrizio1 Comment

If you are not enjoying the journey, how do you expect the destination to be any different?

If you do not like your job, the work that needs to be done, sitting down at your desk, taking coffee with a colleague, having that difficult conversation. How do you expect the next promotion to change all that?

If you do not feel happy in your relationship, hate to spend time together, fear the moment something important needs to be discussed, prefer to go on vacation with anybody but your partner. How do you expect the upcoming wedding to change all that?

If you are not up for practice, choose a lazy afternoon in over a run in the park, forget to bring your equipment to training, do not listen to your coach when they advise you, follow your very own personal diet. How do you expect the next personal best to change all that?

We put too much emphasis on milestones, but milestones are nothing more than the sum of the various moments you have lived to get there.

Cherish the journey, above everything else.

The kirppis experience

FabrizioLeave a comment

Here in Finland, second hand is quite popular. There are plenty of shops that sell second hand stuff, mainly clothes and furniture, but also other items people is happy to pass on to someone else. They are called kirppis.

Kirppis usually have plenty of items. And yet, when you walk into one, there is no guarantee you are going to find what you need. You have to scan through the racks, check all the boxes, survey the tables and review the many shelves. The experience is often overwhelming, but it is the very same concept of second hand that makes it such: you are asking customers to give up ease and standardisation in exchange for low prices and something similar to the thrill of pulling the handle of a slot machine.

The point is, when you overwhelm your audience with facts and information about your product, features, services, what you are offering them is essentially a kirppis experience. You are telling them, “We are sorry, we could not make a decision on what is important, nor could we bother figuring out what you care about, hence we are going to let you scan, check, survey and review all of the terrific things we can offer in the hope you’ll find what you are looking for.“

Of course they will move on. You would too.