Tag: empowerment

When we are afraid

FabrizioLeave a comment

Heights scare me.

It’s a truth I get confirmed every time I stand at more than two metres above the ground. Last week I was on a panoramic tower at an amusement park with my son. I thought I could do it, as it looked safe and was completely closed by one big window. And he really wanted to go. But as soon as we started moving up, I realised it was a bad idea. No way to go back, there were many people with us, and the climb was automatized. As we were sitting there and moving up, I grabbed my son, telling him to stay seated and composed, as moving too much could be dangerous (not true). At some point, I have also put a whole arm across his chest (as a sort of safety belt), and he immediately reacted by removing my arm and asking “daddy, why are you doing this?”.

Why was I doing it?

Of course, I was seeking control. When we are afraid and when things start to slip away, we seek control. We want to make sure that the world is comfortable and predictable, and the way we try to achieve that is by taking control on what we have power on.

It’s a natural reaction, and yet one that has at least a couple of problems.

First, it prevents us from experiencing the situation: I have no memory of what I saw on the tower, no clear idea of what I was feeling and where, and not a single more tool to try to fight the fear should I find myself in the same situation again.

Second, it prevents others around us from experiencing the situation: my son was bothered by my behaviour, he probably enjoyed the ride anyway, but I am not sure he would like to go again with me, and to be honest I cannot blame him.

For as difficult as it is in certain situations, letting go is the best thing one can do in the face of fear. Appreciating the fact that the present moment is scary for you, understanding how it makes you feel, taking a deep breath, and completely taking in what is going on.

Train with small things first, then pass onto the bigger ones. It will be liberating.

Allocating resources

Fabrizio1 Comment

The ability to move past things is a direct measure of future success.

How long will you keep working on that project that has zero evidence of success potential? How long will you continue with the same strategy when everything around is telling you it’s wrong? How many excuses will you come up with to motivate keeping in the team a person who is no longer the right fit? How far will you push your regret for that promotion you have not been granted against everyone’s expectations? How much is the last big failure going to impact the way you approach your next responsibility?

We have the impression that by sticking to things, plans, ideas, people we commit to them, and if we do that long enough, we will make them better. More often, that is just an excuse, an easy way to hide behind the power of sunk costs and limited possibilities.

Once you have determined that you’ve given the situation your 100%, and yet it is still not working, move past that. It’s not being cold and heartless, it’s not jumping from one opportunity to the next, it’s not a selfish act. It’s allocating the limited resources you have at your disposal at any given time. When you do that by focusing mostly on the past, chances are the future will look grim.

We just don’t care

FabrizioLeave a comment

Is Faceapp sending your picture and personal data to a shady Russian firm that will use them against your will for illecit purposes?

Two considerations about the question that has dominated the internet in the past weeks.

Number 1, the level of mistrust towards tech companies is continuosly growing. And for good reasons. Faceapp is not alone in telling users that the company owns everything that is uploaded on their servers. After recent scandals, people are sceptical and ask good questions about what is done with the data they share within apps and other online services. It’s absolutely legitimate, and it’s fair.

Number 2, even if the question is asked, we are no longer very good at waiting for an answer, or demanding that the answer is in line with what we would consider a proper use of our pictures and data. If others are sharing how they will look like when they will be old, so should we. The rest is background noise, because the truth is we do not really care. It’s absolutely natural, tech companies know that, and they leverage the power of cheap and convenient.

Until we pick fair on everything else, in every situation, even when it’s expensive and difficult, we can’t expect others to be fair with us.

When asking for help

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If you ask for help, the worst thing that could happen is that the person or the group you are asking to will not be receptive and you will not get any help. Your situation does not really get any worse.

It’s the same as having money to invest with only the potential gain to risk. Worst case scenario, you walk with your initial sum.

We often avoid asking for help for the fear of being judged, of letting others know we do not know, of feeling inferior and not being able to give back. And yet the benefit is so vast we should not think twice.

Also, it’s a powerful way to build networks.

Worrying

Fabrizio1 Comment

Worrying never helped one bit.

It does not make people feel better, it does not give the object of worrying a clearer shape, it does not move towards a solution.

Worrying is an easy shelter. When we say we worry about something, we take a distance from that thing, we see it from afar and hope we never get there.

What we would really need, instead, is to immerse ourselves in it, dissect it and see how it looks like. See if anything can be done about it, then act, and move on. Leaving behind all that is beyond our control.

Truth is, worrying is comforting. It takes courage to move past it.