Category: self-help

Agree and disagree

Fabrizio3 Comments

Always make an effort to start with what you agree on.

We are wired to focus on the negative feedback, on the opposite opinions, on the rejections, on the new ideas. And so, we need intention to spot agreement.

Next time you get a difficult email, a new plan, a lengthy piece of feedback, a written comment, the notes from a difficult conversation, the minutes of a heated meeting. Print it out, take two markers of different color, highlight what you agree on with one and what you disagree on with the other.

Be honest and impartial. You will have set yourself on a learning path.

The ruler

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all measure success by some kind of ruler, and this ruler needs to have two characteristics.

It needs to be consistent. So that you can measure ups and downs over time, and maintain the course on the same objective (or set of objectives).

And it needs to be relevant. To you, and to those you seek to serve, your audience, your people.

If you change the ruler, distort the scale, zoom in and zoom out, what you get is not a consistent and relevant measure of your success.

Three items

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you draft a list of what is important and you end up with more than three items, that is just a to-do list.

You can focus on one item at any single time, and you can allow one or two more for when that single, most important one is giving you a break. That is it. Anything that you add on top of that is just confusion and distraction, sucking up energies and resources that you could otherwise invest delivering against what is important.

You pick the items on that list. But make it so they are no more than three.

Contradiction

FabrizioLeave a comment

Every father (every parent, to be fair) learns to live with a sort of contradiction.

On one side, you know your kids are the most important thing in life. You would do anything for them, and in many cases you do. You put them first when you plan, you consider their feelings and needs to an extent you have never before experienced. You change your habits, your routines, your hobbies, and your interests.

On the other side, you gradually learn that you are the most important thing in their lives. That your sacrifice is often not needed, and sometimes even counterproductive. That your stretching yourself too thin means your kids will have to deal with a cranky and angry adult. And they will learn that’s how you are supposed to behave. That planning half an hour to do your stuff, undisturbed, will allow you to dedicate your full attention to them for the following couple of hours.

And so, we live with this contradiction, we struggle to find a balance, we tell ourselves stories. Until we realize that it is not a contradiction at all. No one who does not take care of themselves can expect to have a healthy relationship with anybody, let alone kids.

You put yourself first, to put them first.

Happy Father’s Day (in the Nordic Countries, at least)!

Lows and highs

Fabrizio1 Comment

There is no growth without crisis, and you cannot sow seeds without breaking the ground first.

Every low, no matter how desperate it might look, can be followed by the highest high you have ever experienced. No guarantee on the timing, but if you stay present, if you learn, if you develop, if you continue on the path you have chosen, if you open up, if you extend a hand, if you respect and appreciate, eventually the moment will come.

And when that will happen, you’ll have it confirmed that where you were is more important than where you are now. It is the journey that makes the destination, not the other way around.