Category: self-help

Ordinarily extraordinary

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all are ordinary.

Ordinary is our fragility, our pain, our fear, our anger and our continuos search for a fix. Ordinary is the way we feel about others, the impression to have been set up against the whole World, the hurried decision we make about something that lasts. Ordinary is our joy, our excitement, that feeling we can accomplish everything anytime anywhere, followed by the sudden and inevitable realisation that it is not true. Ordinary are our surroundings, our contexts, our scenarios and situations, our homes, offices, gardens, restaurants, cafes and shops. Ordinary is the way we think of that, how we cling to it, the partly inexplicable desire to be measured according to how good that is.

The fact all of that (and much more) is ordinary does not mean we are not important. It means we are not alone. The moment we realise and practice that is the moment we become extraordinary.

It’s when we sit with the discomfort and end up laughing at it. It’s when we lend an helping hand to our neighbour, despite feeling shattered and not liking them. It’s when we are not carried away by easy ups, stay aware of the upcoming downs and focus on the long term. It’s when we treat the stuff we build around us, material or not, as temporary, mutable, ultimately not a reflection of who we really are. It’s when we understand that thoughts and feelings come and go, and what remains is now.

We all are ordinarily capable of achieving extraordinary things.

What’s your El Capitan?

FabrizioLeave a comment

I’ve recently been very fascinated by the story surrounding the free solo ascent of El Capitan by Alex Honnold. The story is now a documentary (which I still have to watch), and you can also find interesting details in this very genuine TedTalk and in this interview.

Part of the fascination, for me at least, is because I am completely afraid of heigths. And part is because it is a great example of how to live ordinarily an extraordinary life (or challenge, or meeting, or presentation, or … fill in the blanks for what seems insormountable to you).

  1. Pick your field – Climbing is not very popular, free soloing (or any of the other tens of niches in climbing) even less. Alex Honnold did not choose climbing to be popular, yet while nowadays we tend to reach for the masses (internet giving us the illusion that everybody is around the corner), his story and that of the other climbers he mentions tell us that to be satisfied with what you do, it is not necessary to be a mass celebrity.
  2. Prepare – It was a long preparation, it took years for him to convinve himself he was ready for the task. The discipline he put into this is outstanding, there was no improvisation, no unexpected turns. In his TedTalk, he tells of his other out of the ordinary free solo ascent (Half Dome) and how it felt unsatisfying as he did not know how to prepare for such a challenge, and then decided to take a different route from the planned one right while he was climbing to the top. The preparation this second time was so meticolous that at some point he and a friend went down El Capitan to remove some stones from a crack to prevent them from falling during the climb and potentially hitting and harming somebody below. He thought of everything, so much so that when it was the right time, he just had to do it.
  3. Focus – He spent the week before the ascent in almost complete isolation. He disconnected from the World, as he wanted to be 100% focused on the task ahead. No distraction, if that’s the most important thing that is going to happen to you in a career (even though you’ll have more in the future, and you probably won’t risk to die if you make a mistake).

We can all learn by watching great successes, even those so clearly beyond our reach. Just make sure you pay attention to what comes before, not after. Again, journey not destination.

A word of encouragement

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you are about the long term. If you put in the work, every day, relentlessly, even though there is no guarantee of success. If you care about the way things are done more than you care about the things done. If somebody watching you does not change the way you behave. If you spend time trying to understand what went wrong and how you can make it better, before you jump on to the next thing. If you are focused, fierce in giving attention just to the things that matter. If you know that fear is just another way to understand what you should do. If you feel that others around you are living through the same pains and joys, excitements and disappointments, ups and downs, and that for this reason they deserve the same respect on their path as you do on your. If you believe in your resources and know that, eventually, things are going to turn out just fine.

It is going to be difficult.

The World we live in does not respect the way you see it. And that is ok. Just go ahead, grind, continue, persist, do not give up. We need you.

I choose the journey

Fabrizio8 Comments

What’s more important, the journey or the destination? Or better, where should you put your focus and efforts?

No doubts, both journey and destination are important. You need to know where you are going and the way you get there can be transformative.

Yet, I choose the journey.

The fact is, the destination is a dream, something you want to achieve, something you might or might not be able to get to. If all you care is that, if you place it at the center of your thoughts, you end up living a possibility. And you might chose to cut corners, hurt people, lose yourself. Anything to make it real!

The journey is now. It is reality, it is the work you put in, the daily waking up and doing, the pleasure and the pain. It is a more dynamic concept, so much that in the end you might find yourself in a totally unexpected place, another destination than the one you initially planned for. The journey ends up shaping the destination and how you feel about it in so many ways that it is almost impossible to leave it in the background.

The journey is who you are, really, and you should open your eyes to it, nurture it, keep it close.

Complaints

Fabrizio1 Comment

If you got something that bothers you, and you would like to complain with your friends, colleagues, boss, partner. First, consider the following questions.

Is there anything I can do about it?
Can I think of a way to make it better?
Can I contribute to the discussion to come up with a solution?

If the answer to these questions is no, then the “something” is probably out of your reach, and you’d probably better not to complain about it in the first place.

There’s a caveat. Abuse, in any form, in any situation, is never acceptable, and you should always bring that up and seek help.

In all other cases, do act only if by doing so you are seeking support and resources in overcoming the situation. Complaining without an idea, a plan, sounds a lot like complaining for the sake of complaining. In general, people don’t like it.