Be the one who moves and turns

Had an interesting conversation with a colleague today, that quickly turned into a topic that I consider very important nowadays. For our personal life, for our professional life, for our life as human beings walking on the World.

I feel the public discourse is flattening to a very dangerous extent.

It’s not only a matter of polarization, it’s mainly a continuous repetition of the flaws of the other side. It might seem, on the surface, that there is a desire to change the other’s opinion or behaviour. But what I find appalling is that actually there is more of a desire to just repeat what was said yesterday, in an endless loop that leaves everybody in the same place they where before. There is no progress. Because the target of what is said is increasingly the people that have our own same opinion.

We have stopped trying to understand what led us here. We are just repeating mantras (“fake news” vs “racist”, “America first” vs “globalism”, “tremendous economy” vs “devastating inequalities”) that resonate with the people that are already on our side. Be it because we need to sell more, because we need to keep the votes, or because we need to constantly re-affirm our self and group identity.

So, the question is: do we care?

If we don’t, that’s fine, we are on the right path.

If we do, I have an idea to share. It’s not mine, I believe it is a Buddhist idea, and I have heard it narrated by Pema Chödrön.

She tells the story of two people that meet, and start talking. They talk about what they see, the World they know. One is facing the ocean, and tells about the greatness of it, the beauty of its blue, the smell of the water. One is facing a forest, and tells of how dense it is, how tall the trees are, how incredible it would be to venture there. They soon end up arguing, as they cannot find a common perspective. Until the one facing the ocean moves to the side of the other and turns. And then, they start describing the forest together.

If you do care. If you seek change. If you want to move past the terrible impasse that is sucking up our future. Be the one who moves and turns. Find the other’s perspective.

P.S.: I am sorry I could not find the exact quote and link from Pema Chodron. I might have changed the characterization a bit, but I am confident the one I shared has the same underlying meaning. Should I find it, I will make sure to update this post.

 

 

Perspectives

In Vietnam, the Vietnam War is known as the American War.

We can spend time trying to explain others that our worldview is correct and theirs is wrong. Perhaps eventually, exhausted, they will agree. And yet, that will not change the way they view things.

What we can more efficiently invest resources on, instead, is understanding that our appreciation of the World is very narrow, as is everybody’s. The more different and diverse ideas we are exposed to, the less narrow it will become. The wiser we will grow. The nearer to each other we will feel.

Why not starting today?

The price for perfect

If you are called up a stage unexpectedly, you do not have to be rehearsed and perfect. Olivia Colman gave a great example of that last night at the Academy Awards ceremony. Her acceptance speech is genuine, authentic, empathic. It leaves a mark.

The same is true for every time we expect to be called up. If we work towards perfection, if what we care about is ironing out all the kinks, if that becomes the focus of our job, chances are we are putting energy, care and effort on the wrong thing. And most of all, we lose in personality.

(For a great example of an official speech delivered in a far-from-perfect fashion, this keynote from 2015 by Elon Musk is as personal as it is inspiring).

Life is repetition

This year I have started taking Tai Chi lessons. There is one thing that I am particularly enjoying, and it is a thing that few years back I would have probably hated.

The lesson is usually 75 minutes, and between 65 and 70 minutes is dedicated to repeating parts you have learned previously. During this time, you do the moves over and over again, the teacher comes to you and tells you how to perfect them, and it is often a matter of moving the hand up a bit, or sliding the foot few centimeters to the side, or keeping the back slightly more straight. The remaining part of the lesson is about learning 1 or 2 new moves.

I find this is a great lesson in patience and working for the long term. There is no need to rush to the conclusion, you better focus on what you are doing and completely be in the moment while you transition from one move to the next. There is also absolutely no pressure in getting the moves right the first time, it is a given that you will have to try them hundreds, thousands of times before they are really yours.

Life is 99% repetition. We better be well aware of this, embrace it and live it fully. Perfect our moves until they come natural, so that we can also get better at enjoying the unexpected, unknown, exciting and inspiring 1%.

 

Busyness is laziness

As counter intuitive as it might sound, I find this Buddhist teaching very relevant to the World we live in today.

“I am busy” is a story we all tell ourselves and others, and it is a very convenient way to avoid facing what matters and the reality of everyday. We hide behind a wall of importance and hectic behaviour. And this is particularly serious, I believe, when “I am busy” is no longer a way to describe our current, temporary status, but a way to tell about who we are and how feel.

When you are too busy to honor your highest priorities – which are understanding your life, discovering your wisdom, and offering your heart – that is a sign that you’ve let something slip because of laziness.

Susan Piver, Start Here Now

Next time somebody is asking “how are you?”, avoid the “I am busy” trap and take a moment to reflect on how you actually feel and what is appropriate to share with the other (and how). That might start a very different conversation than the unsympathetic one we got used to. And it might also be a nice way to begin rethinking your priorities and what to dedicate time to from there on.