Author: Fabrizio

Being wrong

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There is a beautiful Ted Talk by Kathryn Schultz about being wrong.

The most interesting part starts at 3:54. It is about what being wrong feels like. There is first a significant distinction between “being wrong” and “realising to be wrong”. Then Kathryn Schultz ends the argument by saying that, while after the realisation we might feel “embarassed”, “dreadful”, and completely down, in the very moment we are wrong, the feeling is very much different.

It does feel like something to be wrong; it feels like being right.

Kathryn Schultz

We are all confident we are right about many different aspects of life, and the funny thing is the more we are, the more we try to convince others of our view. Others that, from their perspective, are absolutely right about everything.

It is an endless fight, one with no winners. To paraphrase Dale Carnagie, there is only one possible outcome to any argument. If you lose it, you lose it. If you win it, you lose it.

Nobody will ever look at you as a saviour, the one who came enlighten their path that was previously dark and full of terror. Approaching life and business from an oppositional perspective (right vs. wrong) is preparing us for a lonely and frankly boring journey.

Leaders know they don’t know, and know that the little they know today might be completely wrong by tomorrow. Finding new ways, exploring new stories, embracing the unknown, and accompanying people along, is the work of leaders.

Take up the reins

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What happens all around us is not important.

What really matters, is how we process that inside. The feelings it makes us feel, the thoughts it makes us think, the physical reactions our body sends back in return, the story we tell about what is going on.

Once this is clear, it will become easier to be active part of the World and take up the reins of our lives.

The point of origin of change

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If all the countries in the World would give up their military investments and gradually dismantle their military force, there would be no reason for any country in the World to invest in military and have a military force.

We agree on the fact that this will never happen.

There are many interests at stake, and most of all there is a trust issue. The general approach is “if my neighbour has one, I need one too”. Or going back to the paradox in the first paragraph, “if our neighbour does not stop investing in military, why should we?“.

Now, think about how many time throughout the day this is our approach to much more petty and fake disputes.

If the person sitting in front of me on the bus does not stand to allow an elderly person to sit, why should I?
If my sister does not call me, why should I (call her)?
If my colleague does not appreciate my job, why should I (appreciate her)?
If my community does not care about the ones who have less, why should I?
If my neighbour does not shovel the snow from the common spaces, why should I?

Sometimes change is difficult. And sometimes caring less about what the others do and being the point of origin of a change is easy and generous. And who knows the impact it can have on your and other people’s lives.

Stay still

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One of the main things I am learning with meditation is staying still.

We are used to react to whatever happens around us and within us, all the time, every day. Many times, during meditation, I get pulled by a thought, an urge, a desire, a memory, my kids screaming, the computer notifying me that somebody requires my attention, a thousand other things happening in that very same moment.

My first instinct would be to let go of the posture, go check what’s happening, and perhaps come back later.

And yet, I don’t.

I just sit still, letting things around me take their course, taking note while simply caring about being present. It is liberating. Even more when you realise that this is a habit you can take with you wherever you go. You can even get to a point in which it is no longer a deliberate choice. It’s just the way you are.

Your language is your World

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Sometimes organisations, particularly organisations that have a heavily technical component, develop their own internal language. It is a great way to build identity and even culture, and it is important that new members of the organisation get instructed on said specific language.

Nonetheless, there are two risks.

The first one has to do with belonging. As the company grows, more and more people will feel as outsiders, as they did not contribute to the vocabulary and the phrase book that is being used day after day.

The second one has to do with opportunity. The more specific and internally focused the language is, the more difficult it becomes to communicate with the external world. And people out there might feel that what the organisation is offering is not for them (even when it might actually be), that the opportunity cost to learn this new language is simply too high.

To mitigate the risks, a possibility is to take an outsider approach.

What is the impact the organisation wants to have in the community?
What are the shared values it stands for?
What are the things it seeks to improve?
Why should people (and employees) care?

And then, have reality checks around these topics with people that do not belong, but that should care (somebody would call them stakeholders). Do they get it? Do they actually care? If not, why?

The more the time passes, the more difficult it gets to do just this, so better start early in your journey.