Tag: values

Until they do not work anymore

FabrizioLeave a comment

It’s urgent.

I want it this way.

Go get it done right now.

All parents know these things work. They trigger a sense of fear towards authority (actual or supposed). People want to avoid troubles – most of us do most of the time, at least. And so, forcing the hand, threatening, raising the voice. It all works.

Until it’s out of the way.

Until you leave the room.

Until next time.

Until they do not work anymore.

Compliance is by definition short term. People do what they are told for as little as needed to comply. It does not stick, and the next time you’ll have to raise the level of the threat to achieve the same.

So, if it’s change you are seeking, you should pursue it differently. Knowing the other person, their motives, their purpose, their values, and trying to fit what you are asking them to do within their frame. That’s a great place to start.

Of course, this takes time and effort. And in a moment in which everything is important, day after day, when should you start taking others seriously, listening to them, feeding into their self-motivation rather then imposing your agenda? When?

That’s up to you. It’s a choice, and you should stop hiding.

You can make it work.

Today is a great time to start.

Few thoughts

FabrizioLeave a comment

A bunch of random thoughts, further reflecting on my story as an expat job seeker in Finland.

When you are in a new situation, use where you’ve been to fuel the journey ahead, not as a reminder of the journey it could have been.

People need somebody who believes in them, and while you are waiting for that somebody yourself, it’s easy to forget you could be the one believing (in you and in others).

Being aware of luck is tremendously important, and helping others with the luck you are given is a great way to keep your feet on the ground.

If you are thinking about mentoring, helping, volunteering, the best thing to do is to just stop talking about it and start doing it. It’s generous, rewarding, and it does make a difference.

Stay present

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you get to a point where you decide to quit, for any reason. Or you are in a situation where you are asked to quit. Or you get rejected over and over again.

What are you going to do?

It’s very natural to want to burn down bridges, move to the mountains, and dedicate the rest of your existence to monastic life. It’s the fetal position that many of us can relate to: we have invested, we have collected less than we believe was due, we feel pain and disappointment, and we want no more of that in our lives.

Yet, after the heat of the moment is gone, the consequences of the choices we have made will stick. If we have shouted, cancelled, smashed, abandoned, insulted, publicly stated that we are done with this and that. All this, will stay.

So, if you quit, are asked to quit, or get rejected. Stay present. It will spare you a lot of time and energy that you can put towards planning and executing what’s next.

Alone

FabrizioLeave a comment

The problem with attacking those who don’t see the world as you do, with fostering an environment where outrage is rewarded, with speaking against those on your side who attempt to be moderate, with listening to others in wait for misstep, with glorifying factions and vilifying commonalities.

The problem with all of this is that soon enough you’ll end up being alone. Because when you are there, it is much easier to extend the behaviour to all those that, sooner or later, will disappoint your perspective rather than revert it to welcome different views down the line.

Even though today it might feel different, even if it might feel there are thousands who are on your side. Are you prepared to be alone tomorrow?

Comfort and necessity

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you treat comfort as if it were necessity, you’ll soon run out of steam in the pursue of it.

Comfort is unlimited, constantly temporary, almost always divisive. It is easy to forget and very difficult to reverse. Not impossible, but if you’ve ever moved from a 100 square metres apartment to a 60 square metres one, you know what I mean.

Necessity, on the other hand, is limited, pretty much stable over time, and unifying. We tend to forget about it, but when we do, necessity stings and we are brought back to reality.

When deciding where to invest your resources, material and not, make sure you understand the difference. Comfort is a mirage, necessity is concrete. Comfort disappoints, necessity empowers. Comfort blinds, necessity grounds.