Stalling and advancing

Things that stall a (professional) relationship: sarcasm, passive-aggressive messages, dominating the conversation, lack of communication, inappropriate comments, delays with no explanation, losing your temper, unilateral decisions, power moves, keeping score.

Things that advance a (professional) relationship: helping, saying I am sorry, asking for a chat when there’s a misunderstanding, listening, asking open questions, sharing mistakes, starting with how are you? and tell me more about that, telling about how you feel.

Thinking about that relationship that’s making your workdays miserable, are you stalling or advancing it?

Appropriate

When you are taking decisions that will impact (negatively) others, it’s not a bad thing to ask yourself: Do I really have to?

Often things make a lot of sense on paper: cutting costs, increasing profits, getting some surplus to invest in expansion. But is it appropriate in the here and now? Can it be avoided? Can the policy be changed?

Of course, decisions like these are rarely taken lightly. Just make sure you are considering all perspectives, not just the one that is more common, easier, more anticipated.

Footsteps

We know, from our own experience as employees, that people perform better when they are engaged. And that engagement means different things to different people.

Yet, despite us knowing that, we keep running companies in a standardized way that kills engagement.

We ask people to do shallow work. We keep them busy with emails, internal chats, and meetings. We manage from the top down. We regard productivity and (physical) presence as the same. We do performance reviews with a checklist. We assign titles and roles, so that we can look at nice pretty boxes and feel in control. And every now and then we throw a party to cheer everybody up (better if under the influence of alcohol).

The thing that I find most perplexing, though, is how much small and medium companies (the vast majority of companies out there) adhere to the same trite script.

They are the ones that are actually better positioned to change these practices. They are the ones who could make of their differences a decisive factor when seeking and retaining talent. They are the ones who could truly have a personal approach to engagement, and be flexible enough to make it feel as if each single employee would belong.

Just because your target is to grow, it does not mean you have to follow in some other company’s footsteps.

Doing that is actually killing your chances of growth.

Real problem

The problem is not that people will stop relying on you because you rarely deliver on your promises.

The problem is not that your productivity is going to decrease because you are juggling too many things.

The problem is not that your dear ones will no longer seek out your company and your help because you are never truly there.

When you do not put boundaries, when you equate busyness with status, when you take the shortcut of being on top of it all, the real problem is that you have lost sight of what is important to you.

And if you have lost that, how are you going to achieve it?

Not going to want to change

If you tell somebody they are stupid, they are not going to want to change.

If you make fun of their theories, point to their inconsistencies, denigrate their capacity for solid thinking, they are not going to want to change.

If all you give them is your version, for as much as sense as it makes, they are not going to want to change.

If you show them a world they cannot be part of, they are not going to want to change.

All of this can win a quick laugh and some superficial bond with those who think like you.

It’s not going to make things change, though.