Tag: trust

Absolute

FabrizioLeave a comment

If we want to grow, we need feedback. And if we want to learn from feedback, we need to stop taking it as absolute.

It is human to want to protect one’s work, reputation, identity. But that often leads us to see feedback as totally negative (or totally positive). We need to be able to identify the pieces of feedback we can use to improve and grow, while at the same time leaving out the pieces of feedback that are irrelevant or that we do not believe in (yet?).

Start thinking about who is giving the feedback and how much of what they are saying you do agree with. Receiving feedback is a muscle that can be trained.

Agree and disagree

Fabrizio3 Comments

Always make an effort to start with what you agree on.

We are wired to focus on the negative feedback, on the opposite opinions, on the rejections, on the new ideas. And so, we need intention to spot agreement.

Next time you get a difficult email, a new plan, a lengthy piece of feedback, a written comment, the notes from a difficult conversation, the minutes of a heated meeting. Print it out, take two markers of different color, highlight what you agree on with one and what you disagree on with the other.

Be honest and impartial. You will have set yourself on a learning path.

Broken trust

Fabrizio2 Comments

Trust is given, trust is built, trust is broken.

And when it is broken, it needs repairing.

A great way to go about this is to start with “I am sorry”. And honestly stop there. At the very least until the other party signals that they are ready to move forward, under a tacit agreement that trust will not be broken again.

A lazy way to go about this is one of the infinite variations of “it’s not my fault”. For sure, you were busy, a pandemic hit, the circumstances were exceptional, the end of the quarter was around the corner. A wide array of ways to simply say: “listen, I can’t commit, trust will be broken again.”

A bad way to go about this is to pretend nothing happened. To go about your day as if everything was fine, as if no break needed repairing, as if the other person would not be telling you over and over again that there is a problem. This does not lay the ground for any type of future relationship. It is just a loud and clear: “I do not care”.

Compromised

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you underplay a problem that was brought to your attention, you are compromising the relationship.

You might have very good reasons to do that. Perhaps the problem is not a problem to you. Perhaps you are scared the problem might jeopardize your status. Perhaps you just have no idea what to do about it. Perhaps you are set on your goals and targets and do not want to get distracted.

You pretend it is not there, and the other person is impatiently waiting for your response.

You just have to ask yourself: is it worth it?

A small step

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you talk about change, you might get a lot of resistance or a lot of cheering. Most likely, a mix of the two.

In both cases though, you are not one step closer to the change you are seeking.

And that is because telling about change is only one small step on a highway that also features telling about change again, finding supporters and aids, telling once more, showing what change is, buying in those who are against it, preparing everyone for change, reshaping the change story and spread it a bit farther, measuring change, following up to change, and initiating what comes after change.

A meeting or an email might be a good start, they are never the end of it. Even when everyone agrees. Particularly when everybody agrees.