Tag: trust

Lack of communication

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Silence is golden. Lack of communication is not.

One can find comfort in silence. It is a moment of reflection, of expression, of deep connection. Leaders who learn the power of silence are better listeners, and their team members get in a habit of sharing.

Lack of communication is on the opposite side of the spectrum. It is about retreating, hiding, avoiding. Lack of communication digs holes that others will fill with assumptions, fears, and regrets. The more difficult the situation, the wider the holes. Many leaders practice lack of communication, and their team members get in a habit of keeping to themselves.

Fairly and kindly

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The things you believe you do to others, you actually end up doing them to yourself.

The smart comeback to your colleague’s comment is going to hurt a relationship that is important to you.

The reply you have not sent to that important message is holding the project back and yourself accountable.

The carefully planned revenge on the person who crossed you once is taking all of your energy and focus.

The lie you are saying to get ahead this time is giving permission to others to lie to you to do the same.

The silence treatment you are giving your partner is not contributing to a relationship where you feel comfortable sharing and growing.

The only way to achieve what is important to you is to treat others fairly and kindly. The rest is just an elaborated narrative we tell ourselves to keep us from committing and moving on.

Let go and do instead.

Not going to work

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The things you say have a life of their own.

They do not fade once you are done saying them. They keep floating, and those who have heard them carry them around for an indefinite amount of time. They change in meaning. They change in strength. They change in effect.

Often they are still there once we have forgotten them. They might even become drivers for actions we later fail to understand. To our own misery.

The act of saying is anything but final. It’s a step in a process of reciprocal understanding, and we rarely do a good job with our own part.

Despite the fact we have never used it more, communication is fragile. Starting from the assumption it is not going to work is an easy way to become better at it.

Empty shells

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Have you ever written down a list of the things you do?

Particularly when you feel overwhelmed, it is useful to write down on paper the things you do regularly. Emails to write, reports to compile, meetings to attend, errands to run, people to talk to, tasks to complete, projects to finalize, and so on.

Then look at the list and ask yourself: what can I delegate?

Sure, the first instinct would probably be to say nothing! But if you think long enough, if you weight the items against your purpose and who you want to be, if you ask others what they expect of you and what they will measure you by, I am confident you will end up with quite a lot you can give away.

Most of the things you do are clutter. They give you the impression of being important, and by extension they make you feel important, but they are merely empty shells very difficult to crack. And the wonderful thing is that if you trust others and ask around, if you become generous, you will find somebody for whom those things are relevant, important, purposeful.

Make the match.

Most of us are so stuck on the short-cycles of urgency that it’s difficult to even imagine changing our longer-term systems.

Amazingly, this simple non-hack (in which you spend the time to actually avoid the shortcuts that have been holding you back) might be the single most effective work you do all year.

Seth Godin, A different urgency

Startup mentality

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Startup mentality is a beautiful concept we are gradually wearing out.

It is about not being stuck in hierarchies and roles, being able to spot problems and go about solving them, having the flexibility to do work that matters whenever it is easier for you, feeling at ease with change and appreciating the challenges that come with it, sharing knowledge and experience with others to get better together.

On the other hand, it should not be about getting paid only when things are good and be happy about it, being loyal to the founders no matter what they preach, being on call 24/7, working 60 hours a week for years, competing relentlessly with everybody, being too busy to share, and having a vision of you on a Tesla in three years.

It is a not so subtle difference that might make or break your company. One to remember and often repeat to your colleagues.

P.S.: it is Christmas, and I am going to give away 5 Kindle copies of Storynomics to the first 5 who comment on yesterday’s post, sharing what they are getting from this blog. It is a slow burner, and I am going to run this until January 6th.