It is very easy to hide when we can’t deliver.
When we have promised to do something, and then things changed unexpectedly, the most trivial thing to do is pretend the promise was not made in the first place. Not explaining what went wrong. Not answering to the request of clarification. Not showing up the next time.
Hiding.
And yet, we owe the people around us a “why” and a “what now”. Expectations can be adjusted, but trust is not easily given a second time if we fail it from the get-go.
Everyone who is involved in a business, has the interest of the business at the top of their mind.
Of course, this is rarely 100% true. And yet, we should assume it is, and act as if. This would open us up for opportunity. Instead of spending our time trying to second guess others and protect our position against invisible threats, we could approach things from different perspectives, learn something about our colleagues, their work, their priorities and how they believe the business should move forward.
It’s a shift in attitude that would greatly enrich our view. It is worth making.
By the way, if you replace “business” with “family”, “friendship”, “community”, “team”, “neighbourhood”, and so on, it still works.
If you want somebody to remember your name, what you do, your product, the thing you stand for, there are two ways to go about it.
The first one is about going straight for your target, talking to them in every possible occasion, catching their attention, getting into their schedule as often as possible, making sure you are within their radar. You’ll probably have to shout louder than others competing for the same target, finding an edge, something memorable, a way to make sure you stick.
The second one is about generating waves that spread to your peers, their peers, effectively do things that are valuable to them, telling a story that resonates, with a message that is clear and can be refined by others that will bring it to the hears of your target. You’ll have to commit for the long term, put in the effort, day after day, overcome loads of short term obstacles, and no single heroic act will be there to remind of you, as your practice will.
What’s your strategy?
Whether we are on the giving or on the receiving part of feedback, we need to make it very clear that there is a distinction between what we do and who we are.
This is liberating. Understanding that what the other person is saying is not a personal critique, as well as approaching the act of providing feedback with the intent of not imposing our worldview on the other, is what makes a relationship stronger and thriving.
So, when we ask for feedback, let’s be specific in what we are seeking. Can you tell me what you think of this thing I wrote? Do you think I should use this or that framework? What would you do to make it better? How do you think I could get better at presenting?
And let it be clear (to us) that what is at stake is not our character, our career, our relationships, our life, our future, our being. Only a minuscule part of that.
When we prepare to give feedback, on the other hand, let’s focus on things that happened and on how we interpreted that or how it made us feel. When that happened, I noticed everyone in the room went silent. This other framework is used more in such cases, because… . I really liked that part of your last e-mail, I find it showed great empathy and consideration. Your presentation featured very interesting information for the company, and with this and that you can make it memorable next time.
If we set a middle ground to have the conversation, without aggressing the other person’s space and building a resistance to our more vulnerable self with awareness and confidence, the magic of candor can truly happen.
Focus is a simple concept and a very challenging practice.
Focus is understanding what is important and what not in your life, what you want to achieve and what is your end game. Where do you want to get before your time is over?
Focus is making short and medium term decisions about what to commit to and what to say no to. Is that next thing that looks so shiny and everybody is using going to help you get where you want to get before your time is over?
And focus is also a minute after minute choice on what to respond to, what has the power to distract you, to push you through a black hole of wasted time and energies. Should I keep notifications on or off? Shoul I keep the mail client always running in the background? Is it ok to be active in the official work chat? How do I react next time someone stops at my desk/office for a chat?
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