Tag: self-improvement

From the inside out

FabrizioLeave a comment

If only should be the last resource when we are trying to find a reason. In reality, we often use it as the go-to excuse when we are trying to hide.

If only the weather was good, I would go for a walk.

If only they would care, I could publish more articles.

If only my boss would get me, I would finally be promoted.

If only my partner would listen, our relationship would be fine.

Many situations are better approached from the inside out. What can you change? What can you control? What are the things you are going to do no matter what?

When you do that, if only fades away. And you will find there is more you can do to change the narrative you are stuck into.

The sum of small things

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all like a hero story, and a very heroic idea is that our lives, our careers, our relationships (and sure, also our marketing efforts) will be memorable because of a few big moments.

There are two problems with this approach.

First, it sets a waiting attitude. We wait for something to happen, and even when we intentionally work to make it happen, the focus is always on that wonderful moment that will magically fix everything else.

Secondly, it makes us stop caring about the small things. The idea is that details or small items do not matter because they will not make an impact.

*This is, by the way, also the reason why we say yes so often. We measure the social downside of saying no against the tiny effort of saying yes to a short meeting, a tiny task, a small favour. While actually we should measure that against the long-term accumulation of small things that prevents us from achieving anything.*

It is the sum of small things that gives purpose and meaning.

And small things are here and now.

Be ready to embrace and protect them.

Most of the times

Fabrizio3 Comments

Bad is the place of commiseration. Good is the place of recognition.

But most of the times, we are not good parents or bad parents. We are not good colleagues or bad colleagues. We are not good persons or bad persons. We are not good performers or bad performers. We are not good partners or bad partners. We are not good bosses or bad bosses.

Most of the times, we are average.

And that is what we hate the most. The fact that, most of the times, we are not worthy neither of commiseration nor of recognition. The idea that we are mostly like most of our peers. That we spend the vast majority of our lives in the middle.

The vast middle is the place of renunciation.

Not renunciation as in giving up. But renunciation as in recognizing that we already are exactly where we need to be. Renunciation as in renuncing the unsatisfactory experience.

This is the most difficult step.

Don’t recall. Let go of what has passed.
Don’t imagine. Let go of what may come.
Don’t think. Let go of what is happening now.
Don’t examine. Don’t try to figure anything out.
Don’t control. Don’t try to make anything happen.

Tilopa’s six words of advice

Others won’t do it

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you can’t keep your word, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t deliver your project in time, others won’t do it for you.

If you don’t believe in your strengths, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t find it in you to show up every day and deliver, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t be compassionate towards yourselves, and understand when you have hit a rough patch, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t accept that most of what’s happening is beyond your control, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t say I am sorry and take action to repair, others won’t do it for you.

If you won’t take a stand, others won’t do it for you.

If you stop caring, others won’t do it for you.

If you can’t commit to self-awareness, others won’t do it for you.

If you won’t pursue a balance in your life, some sort of contentment, others won’t do it for you.

It’s all there is.

It is you.

One story

FabrizioLeave a comment

When all you hear is one story, that one story is going to be your reality.

This is what happens to all of us, more often than we like to admit. It happens when we get stuck in a bias. It happens when we feel everything is wrong. It happens when we are sure we will succeed this time. It happens when others are an unknown “they”.

We need to make an effort to be listening to at least a second story. And then a third, a fourth, a fifth ..

The fact is, nowadays there is no excuse for us not to do that with intention.