Tag: self-improvement

Contagious

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When you decide to help someone, it might not go exactly as you anticipated.

They might not get what you wanted to help them achieve.

They might end up worse off.

They might not even use your help and go their own way.

They might take your help and use it with other people.

They might realize your help is not applicable.

They might feel as if they owe you and get stuck.

They might not be grateful.

They might not want help at all.

Yet, just by making the decision to help someone, you have put kindness out there. Kindness is contagious, and it is always worth it.

Give it context

Fabrizio1 Comment

When we make a mistake, that immediately becomes the center of our life. Who we are. What we can achieve. How far we can go.

We should instead put the mistake at the same level of our wins and successes. If we manage to give it context, the mistake will look much less threatening. How many times did we do it right? How often are we proud of our work? How much have we achieved so far? And if we are way down into failure mode, a friend or a partner can help us get out and see.

Mistakes are inevitable, the same way as successes are.

More important

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The moment you realize you care more about the outcome than about the process, is the moment you have to reassess how you spend your time.

If getting likes is more important than taking pictures.

If cashing the bonus is more important than the work you do.

If growing your audience is more important than writing.

If being acclaimed is more important than what you have to say.

If hitting the goal is more important than how you get to hit it.

That is the right time to look at the second half of your sentence, and honestly answer the question: “Am I enjoying that?”.

Most likely, you have mistaken a dopamine hit for actual pleasure and accomplishment.

It can happen, and you can do something about it.

What makes us miserable

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Acceptance is not about taking what makes us miserable, shutting it in the closet, throwing away the keys, numbing the feelings that inevitably it will keep us giving, and pretending as if that does not exist.

Acceptance is taking what makes us miserable, understanding it, putting it front and center for a while, making friend with it, finding a way to go about our days despite it. Until eventually it will go shut itself in the closet by itself.

The former approach will make misery expand and take new forms. The latter will make it go away once and for all.

Two different ways. Two very different outcomes.

Asking to change

Fabrizio1 Comment

Change is difficult enough when it is us starting it. If we are asked to change for a cause that is not ours, that becomes a whole lot more challenging.

Consider two things.

Those asking for you to change should be less than those supporting you for who you are. When this is not the case, you might have to reconsider your circle, because the unbalance is probably taking a lot of your focus and energy.

Those asking for you to change might either be giving you a kick in the right direction or pulling you in their own direction. While we sometimes need the former, as we might be unable to see the change we need, we very rarely will benefit from the latter.