Tag: resistance

Stuck in the gap

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Each one of us lives a double life.

One is who we would like to be, the story we tell ourselves (and others), the person we look up to, the one we would like to eventually become.

One is who we are in the moment, the difficulties and the frustrations, the temptations and the shiny objects, the good deeds and the not so good ones, the day after day.

Most of us are stuck in the gap. We despair because we are not who we want to be and then we fail to appreciate what happens here and now.

There’s a few things that could perhaps help get a move from that place.

Begin with keeping your ideal self consistent over time. It’s easier to hit a fixed target than a moving one.

Consider the moment as an opportunity to act against your ideal self. Keep the distance between the two to a minimum.

Remember that your ideal self is, well, ideal. Just because you lose your temper does not mean you are a bad person. Just because you did not get that job does not mean you are worthless. Just because you have failed, does not mean you are a failure.

Most importantly, make time in your life to think about this. Get conscious about where you are and where you want to go, or all the rest will be helpless.

No competition

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Help, gratitude, kindness. There’s no competition when you start practicing them.

If you help somebody and another person does the same, all the better. If you are grateful for something, and then something else, and another thing yet, there’s just more to be gained. If you are kind by default, and your neighbour is kind too, and their neighbours too, it’s a great thing for the whole community.

We are so often stuck in a constant race that we easily forget how not everything rewards the first and forgets the others.

Talk

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Talk about what’s holding you back.

Talk about that feeling you feel before speaking in front of others.

Talk about the fear that never let you leap.

Talk about how unease you are when somebody asks a direct question.

Talk about the challenge in putting your work out there.

Talk about how difficult it is to say you were wrong.

Talk about the knots in your stomach before meeting someone you like.

Because as you talk about all of this, you take the first step to make it all go away.

Harmony

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Harmony is rarely a first choice.

As humans, we are wired to seek for friction, to look at the world from our perspective, to burst when somebody does not agree, to focus on one negative even when it comes with one hundred positives. We never shy away from a challenge, and then we try to escape the distress that comes with it by crafting stories that point the finger or tell about how inadequate we are.

Harmony is almost never the first choice. Yet, it’s still a choice. One that requires effort, commitment, groundlessness, humbleness.

It needs to be chosen every day, until it becomes the only possible choice to move forward. Are you up for it?

Until they do not work anymore

FabrizioLeave a comment

It’s urgent.

I want it this way.

Go get it done right now.

All parents know these things work. They trigger a sense of fear towards authority (actual or supposed). People want to avoid troubles – most of us do most of the time, at least. And so, forcing the hand, threatening, raising the voice. It all works.

Until it’s out of the way.

Until you leave the room.

Until next time.

Until they do not work anymore.

Compliance is by definition short term. People do what they are told for as little as needed to comply. It does not stick, and the next time you’ll have to raise the level of the threat to achieve the same.

So, if it’s change you are seeking, you should pursue it differently. Knowing the other person, their motives, their purpose, their values, and trying to fit what you are asking them to do within their frame. That’s a great place to start.

Of course, this takes time and effort. And in a moment in which everything is important, day after day, when should you start taking others seriously, listening to them, feeding into their self-motivation rather then imposing your agenda? When?

That’s up to you. It’s a choice, and you should stop hiding.

You can make it work.

Today is a great time to start.