Tag: relationships

When to get prepared

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When things are calm. When you are surrounded by people you love and that love you. When your job is solid, and you have the respect of your colleagues and of your managers. When waking up in the morning is a pleasure, and you find out you enjoy things that you generally do not notice. When you have everything you could ask for, you are peaceful and willing to extend a hand to others in need. When the greatest worry is something you used to not even consider a while back.

That is the moment to prepare for harsh times.

It does not mean you should not cherish what you have, just that you should keep training for what you fear the most, so that when it will come it will not be as bad as it initially seemed. Eventually, you will find that the human condition is quite bearable, even in its darkest times.

[…] it is while Fortune is kind that it should fortify itself against her violence. In days of peace the soldier performs manoeuvres, throws up earthworks with no enemy in sight, and wearies himself by gratuitous toil, in order that he may be equal to unavoidable toil.

Seneca, letter 18

We know what to do

Fabrizio1 Comment

We know what to do in most situations.

We know that when we approach a potential customer, we should focus on their story, not on our.

We know that when we plan which channels to use for our marketing tactics, we should be selective and carefully craft our messages.

We know that culture eats strategy for breakfast, and that employees are attracted by purpose and leadership, and that losing a talented person is much worse than losing the manager that made them quit.

We know we should be nice with each other, do not fill our calendars with appointments, be respectful of other people’s agendas, avoid showing up late and being distracted by our phone when somebody is sharing something with us.

We know a great deal of things. And yet, most of us fail at the same very things.

There are different reasons why this is so. It’s certainly partly due to our laziness. Partly it’s the fact our focus is misplaced. Partly it’s because we get carried away and we lose control.

And the biggest part, is us feeling we are special. There’s certainly something we know and that all others before us have missed. Our situation is unique, and we will succeed where everybody else has failed. This time, this time only, it is going to be different, and the rest of the world is going to see what I am, where I am at, why it’s important and follow me blindly.

Open your eyes. That is (almost) never the case. If you just stick to doing it, you will still end up a whole lot better off. And people around you will as well.

No strings attached

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“After all I’ve done for you” is something we say in the heat of the moment. And of course, it is a poor argument, a petty way to make the other feel guilty for something they have done.

Giving is not measurable and should never be treated like putting money in the bank. It’s not a transaction, something you can withdraw at some point in time, and expect to have it untouched.

When we give advice, support, help, time, energy, suggestion, even a gift, we could do it unconditionally. No strings attached. Giving is already making us feel good, there is no need to add a possible future reward to the mix.

So, instead of “after all I’ve done for you”, we could attempt to get better in touch with our feelings and explain more in details what is wrong.

“I have seen you do this, and it does not make me feel alright.”
“I am angry, because this came unexpected.”
“I am sad, as you have done something you know I generally do not support.”
“I demand honesty from our relationship, and the fact you are lying now really hurts me.”

Thank you

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I have been blessed to have many outstanding women around me at all times in my life so far. From different generations, backgrounds, walks of life. They have taught me a huge deal, and they have ultimately contributed to make of me the person, the husband, the father and the godfather I am today.

Thank you, and Happy International Women’s Day.

Ordinarily extraordinary

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We all are ordinary.

Ordinary is our fragility, our pain, our fear, our anger and our continuos search for a fix. Ordinary is the way we feel about others, the impression to have been set up against the whole World, the hurried decision we make about something that lasts. Ordinary is our joy, our excitement, that feeling we can accomplish everything anytime anywhere, followed by the sudden and inevitable realisation that it is not true. Ordinary are our surroundings, our contexts, our scenarios and situations, our homes, offices, gardens, restaurants, cafes and shops. Ordinary is the way we think of that, how we cling to it, the partly inexplicable desire to be measured according to how good that is.

The fact all of that (and much more) is ordinary does not mean we are not important. It means we are not alone. The moment we realise and practice that is the moment we become extraordinary.

It’s when we sit with the discomfort and end up laughing at it. It’s when we lend an helping hand to our neighbour, despite feeling shattered and not liking them. It’s when we are not carried away by easy ups, stay aware of the upcoming downs and focus on the long term. It’s when we treat the stuff we build around us, material or not, as temporary, mutable, ultimately not a reflection of who we really are. It’s when we understand that thoughts and feelings come and go, and what remains is now.

We all are ordinarily capable of achieving extraordinary things.