Tag: relationships

Associations

FabrizioLeave a comment

A while back, somebody asked me to introduce their start-up to a friend of mine who is also a successful entrepreneur and investor.

I did not do it.

Not out of spite or malice, simply because I did not trust the idea, the people, the business model enough to attach my name to it in front of a person I trust and think highly of. A person that has helped me develop professionally and that I am sure will be there if and when I need it.

Plenty of people believe that being an advisor, a board member, a promoter, an advocate is something to stuff in a curriculum or on the LinkedIn profile. Yet I believe you have to be mindful about what you associate your name with.

The key question for me is: is this idea something I would gladly promote if there would be nothing in it for me? Most often than not, you’ll find the answer is no. And then, better move on in search of something that really matters.

Isolated acting

FabrizioLeave a comment

Your actions will have a much higher impact if they fit in a story you live every day.

Your feedback will be taken more seriously if it’s part of a more general attempt to genuinely help move the situation forward.

Your survey will get a better response rate if it’s framed in an ongoing effort to better understand and serve.

Your marketing will be more effective if it’s part of a strategy that aims at generating value for the prospect at every step of their journey.

Your message might actually be heard if it’s the bit of a story your audience has been waiting for and cannot do without.

Of course, for all of this to be possible, you need to spend a considerable amount of time tryin to understand the other(s).

The alternative, though, is to share your opinion every time you do not get things your way, to send out a survey without having set the stage for it in the months before, to run campaign after campaign tweaking for conversion, to forge the message with what we have in mind.

It happens every day, almost everywhere. And it drives us crazy when it is done to us.

There’s a time for everything

FabrizioLeave a comment

In the past, we used to go the office from 9 to 5. Most had very little responsibilities, as they were told what to do. Our professional life was figured out at graduation (for some, even earlier), and the personal life was fairly standard for the majority of people. We were closely in touch with our colleagues, friends and family, and the number of acquaintances was quite low. The most we got into an argument was probably once a year, perhaps at Christmas over some sport-related topic.

Today our lives are infinitely more fluid. Personal and professional are mixed. We answer work emails while we sit on the sofa close to our dear one, watching the latest episode of True Detective. At the same time we have an ongoing conversation on Instagram with a friend we have not met since high school, and we are arguing on Twitter on who is the best Democratic candidate for 2020. We are acquainted to many more people than we are closely in touch with, and we are constantly asked to make decisions, take responsibilities, change who we are and the context in which we live.

In this scenario, we have to be careful to pick only the battles that make sense for us in a specific period, as we cannot deplete our mental and physical energy on many different fronts simultaneously. Chances are that if you are going through a divorce, or having a kid, or moving to a new town, you will not be able to give your best at work or to come up with the ultimate idea for your next novel. The opposite is true as well.

The bad news is, there’s not time for everything.

The good news is, there’s a time for everything.

Despite what the sense of urgency that is imposed on us for any little unimportant thing, if we can discern what really matters and give it our attention to the highest possible level, we’ll eventually get it done and be able to pass on to what’s next. And of course, we need to be able to say a whole lot of “no, thanks”. Some things are simply not for us. It is ok to be able to say it out loud.

Who is empathy for?

Fabrizio2 Comments

We commonly believe that empathy is for the person on the receiving end. And that is, at least in part, true. It gives them the space to be with their feelings, thoughts, discomfort, free of the burden of judgement and scrutiny.

We need to be aware that empathy is not for the person on the giving end. Sure, they get an enriched view of the world by being empathetic. Yet, they should not fall in the trap of heroism and self-praising, and even less in the pit of entitlement (“I am doing this, so you owe me that”). At the bottom of that pit is resentment, and it is not possible to be empathetic when resenting someone.

Most of all, I believe, empathy is for the situation, the context, the environment. It gets things unstuck, it moves things forward, it works towards some form of progress. The alternative is banging our heads against the wall. It takes a lot of time, and pain, to get anywhere by just doing that.

Overcommunication is about frequency

Fabrizio1 Comment

There is an important distinction to make when we say we want to overcommunicate.

Overcommunication is essential in certain circumstances: change, growth, downsize, new team, new team members, just to mention a few. I actually think that overcommunication is good in general, as we too often have the tendency to assume and take for granted that others know and understand things the same way as we do.

Nonetheless, overcommunication deals with frequency, not with content. It is not necessary to tell more, it is to tell more often.

Sometimes, when reading a presentation, or an e-mail, or a report, it feels like one can almost see the different layers that have been added in the attempt of increasing clarity or including an additional point. At times, it looks like the more bullet points you have, the better.

It does not work.

The more you add to your message, the less it will be understood. Keep it simple, real simple. Make sure anybody who has a superficial knowledge of the matter could get it after reading it once. Read it out loud and listen to how it flows. If you have even a single doubt, start cutting. And if you have no doubts, cut anyway.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English—it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. […] An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.

Mark Twain