Tag: relationships

Multiple versions

FabrizioLeave a comment

We are ready to go great lengths to reinstate order in our life when someone or something does not adhere to our version of the world.

If somebody does not behave the way we expect, they certainly have some hidden agenda. If something happens that we have never experienced before, it’s probably a mistake or somebody trying to frame us. Even when we witness – with our own eyes – something that does not fit with our story, we just go to what we know, and try to make it big enough that the anomaly can go unnoticed.

The moment we are put in front of the facts, the moment we realize that there’s actually nothing wrong, the moment we accept that multiple versions of the same world coexist at any given time, that’s a moment to cherish. It’s the moment when we open up, when we are welcoming, when we grow.

We just have to make sure that moment does not at an horrendous cost.

And if it does, apologize.

You are out

FabrizioLeave a comment

There comes a time in most relationships (sentimental or not) when the parts involved simply do not trust each other anymore.

No matter what they say, no matter how hard they try, no matter how much time and resources you spend making their case.

Actually, continuing to state the case in these situations is futile. Chances are the main arguments, values, plans are at least part of the reason why the distrust started developing. So, if that’s all each part has to contribute, the relationship is over.

The only thing to do in these cases is take a step back.

Open your mind, listen, apologize if needed (it usually is). Be critical of your original stance and see if there’s still space for a part of it.

Relationships, as most things, evolve. When you do not evolve with them, you are out.

Bullet points

FabrizioLeave a comment

Why are bullet points still used in presentations? And what about flow charts? Diagrams? Crammed 11-points text? Evocative pictures that have no relationship with what is being told? Tables that touch the margins of the slide? Icons choosen after googling “icons”? Paragraphs used as scripts?

A presentation is for the presenter, because it helps them refining their thoughts and ideas, making them digestible and appealing, preparing them for further elaboration and improvements. And it is, of course, for the audience, who has allocated time on their calendar to give the presenter attention.

Make the extra effort, the rules for a decent presentation are not rocket science. And they apply to yours too.

Unfair practices

FabrizioLeave a comment

If you are victim of an unfair practice.

You can point the finger, call the perpetrator names, shut them off and strengthen the relationships with those like you, tell yourself and others a story of unfairness and one-sidedness, and demand a change.

Or you can extend your hand, empathize with the motives, see if perhaps in similar circumstances you might have fallen in the same trap, start a conversation around identities and opportunities, prove day after day that the practice is not only unfair, also counterproductive, and be an agent of change.

I have been on both ends of the spectrum, I have changed my mind along the way, and I can still see that there is a solid argument one way and the other.

I can also see that it’s a choice you get to do.

Help is a gift

Fabrizio1 Comment

When trying to help, you have to leave your ego behind.

Because of course, the other person might be listening with no intention to change, your advice might remain unfollowed, your words might actually produce an effect opposite to the desired one.

Giving help is like giving a gift: it’s up to the receiver to decide what to do with it, and we should not let the outcome reflect negatively on the act itself, on our benevolence, on our future actions.