Tag: relationships

Alone

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The problem with attacking those who don’t see the world as you do, with fostering an environment where outrage is rewarded, with speaking against those on your side who attempt to be moderate, with listening to others in wait for misstep, with glorifying factions and vilifying commonalities.

The problem with all of this is that soon enough you’ll end up being alone. Because when you are there, it is much easier to extend the behaviour to all those that, sooner or later, will disappoint your perspective rather than revert it to welcome different views down the line.

Even though today it might feel different, even if it might feel there are thousands who are on your side. Are you prepared to be alone tomorrow?

Off the road

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If you play on trite stereotypes, and execute poorly, marketing can easily backfire.

When you take it off the road, on the other hand, you can have fun with it and entertain people.

It’s mainly a matter of personality.

Comfort and necessity

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If you treat comfort as if it were necessity, you’ll soon run out of steam in the pursue of it.

Comfort is unlimited, constantly temporary, almost always divisive. It is easy to forget and very difficult to reverse. Not impossible, but if you’ve ever moved from a 100 square metres apartment to a 60 square metres one, you know what I mean.

Necessity, on the other hand, is limited, pretty much stable over time, and unifying. We tend to forget about it, but when we do, necessity stings and we are brought back to reality.

When deciding where to invest your resources, material and not, make sure you understand the difference. Comfort is a mirage, necessity is concrete. Comfort disappoints, necessity empowers. Comfort blinds, necessity grounds.

Deep roots

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The disappointment you felt when they told you there was no promotion for you in the near future.

The anger at your boss, for not acknowledging the effort you put into the project they are getting praises for.

That argument about who was supposed to do that thing nobody wants to do.

The feeling your job is never going to be good enough, no matter how hard you try.

All these things, and many more, they are not born in the moment, as a sudden reaction to a single event. They have deep roots.

They are the product of previous experiences, of your childhood, of how your parents used to talk (or not talk) to you, of the many relationships you’ve had so far, of the thoughts you used to have when you were a kid, alone in your bedroom, before falling asleep.

They are incremental. They tend to repeat themselves, sometimes in slightly different ways, and to accumulate. Up until the point you are unable to experience much more else.

And so, the only thing you can do about it is to conquer them. Own them.

“I have stakes in this”, “I care”, ” I might feel as I did when..”. These are great starting points.

Do not hide them, repress them, push them down.

Find them, name them, remind them.

You might not be able to do this on your own. That’s fine.

Boundaries

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How far can you go before you do something about that power dynamic you really don’t like? How much can you wait for changes to happen after you have spoken up? How beaten can your motivation be before you actually stop showing up to do important job?

How much is too much?

In every situation we set boundaries, imaginary limits beyond which something significant will have to happen. Boundaries are what tells us what we can accept and what not, how far we are willing to go, how intimate with others we are open to be. They are a deep representation of who we are and who we want to become.

Boundaries can change over time, but we should be conscious about them at any given time, and flex them with great care. Because there’s nothing worst for self-esteem than allowing others to walk on boundaries back and forth, repeatedly, day after day, until we pretend to stop caring about where the boundary actually is.

Boundaries matter. Perhaps allow some space when you set them. And once that is done, you ought to protect them with all you’ve got.