Tag: relationships

Distinctive

FabrizioLeave a comment

When things do not go as planned, and you have to break the news to those who have helped, to those who have offered their ideas, their energy, their work, there is one thing that can make it worse.

Blaming the change of plan to others.

Of course, it works in the moment. It pushes away the shame for the loss, the difficult conversation, the necessary argument.

But as you regroup and start delivering against the new plan, no one will feel committed.

Find a reason to believe in instead, and motivate the changes with passion. Even when it was not you making the call, especially when it was not you making the call. Nobody likes change, but everyone is willing to accept it, if it makes sense.

Long term is always more important than short term. That is the distinctive sign of leadership.

Damages

FabrizioLeave a comment

Scoring a point, winning an argument, having it your way.

They might all seem like great things, except the damages they make are often greater than the satisfaction they bring.

If you find this difficult to grasp, think back at the last time you failed to score a point, you lost an argument, you did not have it your way.

What you felt back then is the same your counterpart is feeling today. And you know for a fact, it is not a feeling that it is easy to shake off, not a sentiment on which it is possible to build a strong relationship.

And so I guess the question would be: is it worth it?

Personal

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you start thinking that somebody has done something to hurt you, offend you or cut you off, do two things.

Take a break.

Reach out and have a conversation.

Drain

Fabrizio2 Comments

A meeting is a drain of time, focus and flow. And it compounds the more people are involved.

So, if you are going to have a meeting, make it worth it. Have an agenda, a clear one, even if it is just a sync. Stay on topic. Never go around the (virtual) table to fish for topics, but by all means poke those who speak less and make sure they get a chance to express their opinion. Get to action points in proper time, write them down, and circulate them after the meeting is done. If you have called the meeting, or are in a leadership potion, do a lot of listening and very little talking. And finish earlier.

If you are finding yourself breaking these basics more than once for a particular meeting, the people invited to the meeting are better off if the meeting is removed from their calendars.

They certainly have something better to do.

P.S.: I wrote about meetings a while back also. The rules set out there are still valid for the most part.

Tension

FabrizioLeave a comment

Feedback often creates tension.

I want it this way.

I am not sure what, but something does not work.

Your piece of content misses the bigger picture.

Can you change that part and make it more professional?

I am sorry, I really do not like it.

Tension might eventually take you to a better place, but there are two problems.

First, tension takes time to resolve. Time that could actually be employed improving the outcome, doing something more valuable or even just going for a walk. Tension is difficult to dissipate, it actually tends to escalate. Particularly when the first unclear comment is followed by additional unclear statements that make the whole feedback situation a mess.

Also, tension sticks. When the job is eventually done, tension is still in the air. It does not matter at this point if the outcome is better, something has broken. And that is difficult to recover, even more difficult considering the fact this way of giving feedback is rarely a one-off.

Prepare before giving feedback.

Never let it be the first thing that comes to mind, never let it be an instinctual reaction to you seeing the work of others for the first time.

And if after you have done that, there is still vagueness in what you want to contribute, shut up and ask.

If you would have more time, what would you work on to make it better?

Guide me through your creative process.

What parts of it you do not like?

What would you need to make this the best of your blog posts?

What type of input are you seeking from me?