There is no next step, there is no future success, there is no expected achievement.
There is just now.
And you have to learn to enjoy it.
Even when it all feels wrong.
Especially when it all feels wrong.
Tag: problems
False dichotomies
Two reasons why many arguments fail to move the conversation forward and develop the relationship – from the beautiful book by Steven Pinker, The Sense of Style.
- We approach the argument as if it were a dichotomy. Black or white. Right or wrong. Good or evil. For as much as this is convenient to survive, it is not a great representation of how things actually are. And it is certainly not a path to understanding.
- We make it personal. It is rarely about finding the truth or the better course of action. It is about beating your opponent. Who is motivated by the wrong values, less intelligent, and not as refined.
When we avoid falling into these traps, we find the place for learning and growth.
Arguments should be based on reasons, not people.
Steven Pinker
Not many people
After becoming a leader, there is a choice you have to make.
As you are in the middle, many think the choice is between siding with management and siding with your team. But the truth is, the two sides are not at war. And a huge part of your responsibilities as a leader is to not act as if they were.
The tension is instead between you and your team.
Every request from the people you lead will cut into your time, energy, and focus. You will not be able to do what you were doing before, what you were good at before. They will ask, demand, pretend, guess, second guess, and ask some more. They will push you to do things you are not used to. They will force you to have conversations you would normally avoid. They will expect that you raise above yourself, often without any guidance, and act as the leader you are paid to be.
And so the choice is between being who you are and being who your team wants and needs you to be.
Not many people are willing to let go – of their ideas, of their ways, of their habits, of their responsibilites, of their work, of their ego.
Not many people are good leaders.
Stretching further
If you are not making mistakes (i.e., missing a deadline, delivering a project that is not ready, failing to achieve your goals, being rejected for a role you care about), one of two things is true.
Either you are covering up your mistakes or you are not stretching further enough.
The point is not being flawless.
The point is using mistakes to do three things.
- Prepare a space to grow into. A mistake tells where you cannot go yet. It is space to fill up, a beacon pointed in the direction of growth.
- Build more resilient relationships. A mistake tells you are a fearless peer. I am sorry unlocks deep empathy and fortifies the ground beneath you and those you care about.
- Add to your story. A mistake tells you are not done yet. When you put it into words, it becomes an inspiration and a model.
Companions
After one year (and counting) dealing with social distancing, isolation, uncertainty, fear of sickness and death, confinment, lack of freedom, impossibility to meet family and friends, video-conferencing, constant worrying.
We are all exhausted.
So if you are too, that is fine.
If you struggle to find motivation, if you do not want to get started, if you would rather call in sick, if you start thinking it’s not worth it.
You are not alone.
Reach out to somebody today. Tell them about how you feel. Listen as they tell you how they feel. And find a companion.
We all need that now.
You've got this 