Whatever your stressor is, make the effort to confine it.
If it is work, shut it down with your laptop.
If it is family, leave it at home when you go for a walk.
If it is the news, gift yourself time when you are free of them.
One way or the other, don’t let the stressor creep into your spaces of restoration and regeneration. Little by little, the stressor will shrink and often, eventually, even go away.
Building solid boundaries is a responsibility.
There is no behavior that you can promote without embracing it fully.
Telling your team that they should not work the weekends while you are working all weekends is not going to be effective.
Telling friends that they should call you more often while you never call is not going to be effective.
Telling your kids that they should not lie while they see you lying every day is not going to be effective.
We have a lot of power to influence others’ actions, we are just not confident enough to acknowledge that.
Reconsider your decision, particularly if you have taken it under emotional stress – I was mad when I said that.
Acknowledge the relationship – I do care about you.
Say that you are sorry and ask for help to move forward – I am sorry and I would like to hear how you think we can get past this impasse.
Nobody said it was easy.
A difficult step towards awareness is appreciating that we are not so special after all.
The things we think, the emotions we feel, the fears that get us stuck, the ambitions that drive us, the confusion in the face of uncertainty, the defensiveness when we fail. They are common to many and they do not make us any different from all others human beings.
Once we are fine with that, then we can dedicate time to what truly matters: how we react to all that and to an ever-changing world.
That’s where the biggest difference is.
At work, you can be reactive or intentional.
When you are reactive, you drop everything you are doing every time a new urgency comes in. You are stuck in a spiral of novelty and unfinished work. You feel powerless and you often end your days with the overwhelming impression of not having accomplished anything important.
When you are intentional, you respond to a new urgency with a deep breath. You finish the work you are doing, or at the very least make sure that you have a solid plan to finish it or to delegate it to someone else. You take out your plan and you check how the urgency can fit. You say no. You feel in control and you often end your days with the priceless recognition of being done.
The reactive mode is fascinating, because it gives us (and others) the illusion of being relevant, important, busy. It’s what most people call “good job!”. Of course, in reactive mode nothing ever changes, and in the long term you are simply drained.
The intentional mode is a choice. It might go unnoticed for a while, because you are not waving your arms in the face of everyone. And of course, in intentional mode you can affect real change.
To understand your default mode, take note of what happens next time your boss calls with a new thing to do.
Then, make the choice.
You've got this 