Tag: feedback

Where it hurts

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you are rejected, the opportunity is not in “better luck next time”, or “it’s their loss”, or “you are better than this”.

The opportunity is in taking a step back and checking where it hurts.

Are you disappointed because you cannot pay the next bill or because you were enjoying what you were doing? Because you have to cancel your next vacation or because you genuinely thought you were delivering your best job? Because you have to face the questions of family and friends or because you felt for once you had something to give to a cause?

When we take the time to check where it hurts, we can more easily spot what is next. And it might be something utterly surprising.

Worth accepting

FabrizioLeave a comment

The very same event can be described by those involved in very different ways. The same person can describe the same event in different ways at different times.

Does this mean one version is the correct one and the others are wrong?

When we describe what is happening to us we almost never stick to the facts. We bring with us past experiences, values, emotions, sensations, expectations, and as time passes our memory filters out most of what does not align with our story.

And so it happens that often a version is correct for the person narrating it, and wrong for those listening.

Something worth accepting.

Obligation

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The reverence, adoration, awe reserved to people in leadership positions is what in most cases will make them lose their authority and power.

If you really care about the person, if you like them, want to work with them, want to learn from them, want them to stay in the job for as long as they decide to, then you owe them a challenge, a question, a contrarian point of view, a new idea, a plan they had not though about, a truth they did not want to hear. It is your obligation.

Do better

FabrizioLeave a comment

Asking others to do better, to be better is missing perspective.

A more productive approach would be enquiring about what you can do to enable them to do better, to be better. And follow up with what is needed.

An even more productive approach would be to figure out how you can do better, be better. And by simply doing that, make those around you shine brighter, achieve more, reach higher.

Finally, we could take it on our own to change the environment and the rules of the game so that what others are doing or the way they are would already be better.

When we ask others to do better, to be better we sort of take our own responsibility out of the picture. Yet, it feels to me there’s quite a lot we can do to achieve exactly the better we want others to achieve.

What we’d like

Fabrizio1 Comment

How would you like others to treat you?

If you are having a bad day, and still need to go out to buy some groceries. You just grab the first clothes you can find and don’t worry about your hair. What would you like others to say?

If you are having a tough period, and at work you can only do the bare minimum. You avoid coffee breaks as you do not want to talk to anybody, you delay your lunch break to grab a quick bite by yourself. How would you like others to talk about you?

If you are not answering that message because it would mean you finally need to have that difficult conversation you have postponed for so long. What would you like others to call you?

The next time we reach for an easy judgement, let’s keep in mind what we’d like others to do when it’s our turn.