Tag: fear

A difference that matters

FabrizioLeave a comment

There are two different mindsets with which you can approach a request for help.

One defaults to figuring out how the act of helping does impact one’s own routine.

Does it mean I will have to wake up earlier? Does it mean I will have to postpone my planned holiday? Does it mean I will have to renounce a relaxing evening watching my favourite TV series?

The other defaults to caring about how the act of helping does impact the other person’s life.

The two mindsets often have very similar outcomes. Because when somebody asks for help, people in general tend to give help.

The difference though is in how you feel about helping – and whether or not you will seek to help more in the future – and in how the other person feels about you helping – and whether or not they will seek help more freely in the future.

It is a difference that matters.

This is it

FabrizioLeave a comment

What is joy?

What is commitment?

What is love?

What is friendship?

You can take these questions from the top-down. You take a definition – the one your parents gave you, the one your culture preaches, the one your past taught you – and you try to find what it is that take you as close to it as possible. As these are ideals, it’s difficult to seek them and make them real. It’s usually disappointing.

You can also take these questions from the bottom-up. You look at your life – what is given to you, what you are taking with your skills and attitude, what you give out to others – and label the individual items with the term that best fits.

You say, “this is joy” after a genuine laugh. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is commitment” after some hard work. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is love” after holding your partner in an intimate embrace. And you seek more of it.

You say, “this is friendship” after a 2-hour chat with your heart wide open. And you seek more of it.

This is it.

You are dealt some cards and it’s up to you to make of them whatever you pursuit. Change will follow, and it begins with you noticing that you already have the ideal life.

Passion and distraction

FabrizioLeave a comment

There is a lot of difference between spending time and energy and resources on something you are passionate about, and spending the exact same amount of time and energy and resources on something you don’t care about.

In the first case, no matter how much you give, you will always find a bit more. You will feel recharged even after a full day of intense activity. In fact, the other stuff and the people in your life will most likely benefit from your positive attitude and adrenaline. Just because you are committed to something you love.

In the second case, the opposite is true. Even ten minutes of the activity will drain you. You will mostly complain, find issues with everything and everyone, and that attitude will spill to everything else, and everyone else, in your life.

So, the trick is this.

Do something for long enough to get committed and passionate about it, and reduce the distractions that make you feel miserable.

Easy. Not simple.

For you and for me

FabrizioLeave a comment

What’s in it for me?

That’s on our mind when we approach something, whether consciously or unconsciously. We have some idea of what we will get from a situation, from a person, from a request. We play scenarios in our head and expect to maximise the value we can get.

Of course, everybody does that at the same time, and so focusing on what you could get is probably not going to take you very far.

Challenge yourself and start with: Here is what’s in it for you.

Once that becomes the default, you will find you can change the world.

Wrong turn

FabrizioLeave a comment

When things take a wrong turn, the only thing you can hope for is that you have cherished the moments you have had until then.

If everything is a hustle, a battle, a fight, a competition. What are you left with?