Because you care

August 18, 2022 FabrizioLeave a comment

Sometimes you listen because you want to know. Sometimes you listen because you care.

It might seem like a minor distinction, but the questions, the attitude, the subjects are very different whether it’s one form of listening or the other.

When you listen because you want to know, your questions are direct and closed. You look for easy answers, answers you can process and understand instantly. It’s usually about trivial topics, and the act of listening is in fact a way to reassure yourself that everything is as it should be.

When you listen because you care, your questions are wide and open. You are not even looking for answers. If they come, they will probably impact the person giving them much more than they impact you. It’s usually about deep change, and the act of listening is a way to unlock new potential.

When nothing is important

August 17, 2022 FabrizioLeave a comment

When everything is important, nothing really is.

Because people have a limited amount of resources to dedicate to you and your agenda. And so, if you aim at keeping their attention high at all times, with one request after the other, all in the same tone, with the same gravitas, delivered with the same sense of urgency, you will eventually exhaust them.

Choose what is important carefully and dedicate to it most of your (and others) efforts.

Uncomfortable

August 16, 2022 FabrizioLeave a comment

When you feel uncomfortable, the first immediate reaction is to point the finger and fix something outside of your reach. You might yell, give clearer instructions, take ownership, write a negative review, demote, reject, shut down.

But of course, that works (for you, perhaps) only until the feeling is back – for the same reason, or a different one.

And so, a better approach is to ask: What is this? Where does it come from? What can I do to make the feeling bother me less? (vs. What can I do to make the feeling go away? – which often leads to one of the reactions above.)

You might even end up getting rid of the feeling altogether, but that is not the point.

The point is being with, letting go, accepting.

Because, in the end, it’s not that bad.