Tag: fear

Stuck in the gap

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Each one of us lives a double life.

One is who we would like to be, the story we tell ourselves (and others), the person we look up to, the one we would like to eventually become.

One is who we are in the moment, the difficulties and the frustrations, the temptations and the shiny objects, the good deeds and the not so good ones, the day after day.

Most of us are stuck in the gap. We despair because we are not who we want to be and then we fail to appreciate what happens here and now.

There’s a few things that could perhaps help get a move from that place.

Begin with keeping your ideal self consistent over time. It’s easier to hit a fixed target than a moving one.

Consider the moment as an opportunity to act against your ideal self. Keep the distance between the two to a minimum.

Remember that your ideal self is, well, ideal. Just because you lose your temper does not mean you are a bad person. Just because you did not get that job does not mean you are worthless. Just because you have failed, does not mean you are a failure.

Most importantly, make time in your life to think about this. Get conscious about where you are and where you want to go, or all the rest will be helpless.

Honest

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Honesty can only work when it’s two-way.

You can’t be honest if you do not accept others to be honest with you as well, and you can’t demand honesty if you are not honest in the first place yourself.

It’s about building trust and knowing that the other is going to be on your side when it matters. Sometimes by putting you in front of harsh truths, sometimes by telling you well timed lies.

Saying “let’s be honest with each other” is a commitment for the long term, something you have to start building day-in and day-out, with practice and consistency.

It’s not something for a two-hours meeting.

Celebrate

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At the beginning of this year, I had a few things I wanted to achieve in 2019.

Now I can say I have managed to stick to my three resolutions. I am particularly happy, and surprised, by the fact that I have managed to blog every day. It’s not always been easy, not always rewarding, at times almost a burden, and yet 368 blog posts later I am proud I have continued doing it.

It helped my confidence in writing, cleared my thoughts, cristallized some ideas. It made me face the fear of the blank page (and blank mind) in many occasions, as well as overcome the pressure of metrics and analytics. And most of all, it strenghtened my practice and made me even more comfortable in the day-to-day act of doing.

If you also have something to be proud of tonight, remember to celebrate.

Not the new year, not a new beginning, not the hope that it will be different. Celebrate your success, the difficulties you’ve overcome, the intensity of achieving. And celebrate continuity, because change is very rarely the product of a sudden revolution.

This one is to me, and to you.

Happy New Year!

The journey

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When a lot of importance is put on a single goal, there’s a huge risk to lose perspective.

As the goal is set and gets nearer, corners are cut, shortcuts are sought, poor work is normalized. And soon, the initial goal is either discounted or made unreachable. There is no more excitement in getting there.

This is why the way things are done are more important than the things themselves and the places they take us.

Goals are temporary and variable, practices are grounded and stable.

Keep a wide view on the horizon as you put one step after the other, relentlessly, day after day. You might spot new destinations, and at the very least you will have developed the muscles that will allow you to continue the journey.

Harmony

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Harmony is rarely a first choice.

As humans, we are wired to seek for friction, to look at the world from our perspective, to burst when somebody does not agree, to focus on one negative even when it comes with one hundred positives. We never shy away from a challenge, and then we try to escape the distress that comes with it by crafting stories that point the finger or tell about how inadequate we are.

Harmony is almost never the first choice. Yet, it’s still a choice. One that requires effort, commitment, groundlessness, humbleness.

It needs to be chosen every day, until it becomes the only possible choice to move forward. Are you up for it?