Most of us set a target and then sprint towards it.
The fact is, what matters it that you get to the target, and in most cases how fast you are has very little importance. Sprinting is a distraction, it can deplete resources, it is wasted focus. And it hinders experiencing the journey, depriving the target of most of its meaning.
As long as you keep running from boring, repetitive, uninteresting, unrewarding, uneventful, average, your chances of actually mastering something are going to be very limited. There’s a wrong perception that success is equivalent to sparkles and glitter, but that only comes after (if at all), and it does not usually lasts for very long.
Find ways to get accustomed to the 99% of your life and suddenly you’ll be a much better human being, parent, partner, leader, or anything else you aim to be.
Sometimes we mistake what we cannot do with what we do not want to do.
For example, we might say we do not want to jump in the water or dance or give that presentation in front of the whole team, while what we actually mean is we do not (yet) know how to do that. Or perhaps we feel unsure about our skills. It is not a matter of “do not want”.
Other times, we mistake what we do not want to do with what we cannot do
For example, if somebody offers a new responsibility, we might say we cannot take it as we are too busy, but certainly that is not the full story. We are most likely not very interested in the responsibility offered, or we do not want it because it might expose some of our weaknesses. In any case, it is not a matter of “cannot”.
“Do not want” and “cannot” are often used interchangeably, but they are well distinct.
“Do not want” expresses will, power, decision, acceptance. It is a brave decision, and a necessary one in many cases.
“Cannot” expresses an opportunity, incompleteness, desire, potential. It is a step on a long road, and you will get there eventually.
Using them for what they are enables our clarity and helps us focus on what matters (and of course, drop what does not). Do it with intention.
The easiest thing to do with your fear, anxiety, tiredness, stress, mistake, inadequacy, disappointment is to place them on others. Yell, demote, gossip, badmouth, exhaust, demand. It’s almost automatic to resort to these when things get tough.
The alternative is owning all of that. Knowing that’s part of you, identifying it in time, expressing it with words so that you don’t have to do it with actions. It is the long road, it is challenging and it takes time and practice to get there. And that’s where you’ll find your edge.
People are promoted into managerial and leadership positions, and then it is expected they learn how to do that on their own. That rarely happens.
The skills you need to manage or lead a team are very different from the skills you need to successfully execute a project or design a flawless service or build a company from scratch. If managers and leaders are not put in front of this very basic fact, they will fall back to what got them promoted in the first place (in most cases, execution and some sort of compliance) and their teams will fail.
A new survey by the Boston Consulting Group about the challenges of managers stresses two facts that is worth considering before you put the autopilot on and promote the next best performer.
First, not everyone wants to be a manager. We often assume that is the natural career path everybody aims for, yet the survey points at only 9% of non managers actually wanting to become one (in Western countries). If you have a great performer, it is more likely they want to either stay in their current position or become a subject matter expert. Of course, this means you’ll have to ask them, and then find ways to reward them other than the title. There are many.
Second, just one-third of managers receive career coaching. It’s a very delicate transition, one that often creates challenges even out of the office. If supporting the manager through it is not a priority for the company, it won’t be one for the manager either.
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