It’s not you vs your boss, your colleague, your partner, your friend, your child.
It’s not us vs the bigots, the social media, the conservatives, the progressives.
We suffer as they suffer. You feel as they feel. I act as you act.
Life is not a dichotomy and you are very rarely required to take sides.
It’s in the shades that we meet and thrive.
What if you are not it?
What if you are not the best choice for that role you so much want?
What if you are not the outstanding writer you have worked so hard to become?
What if you are not the father of the year?
What if you are not the person that will lead the company out of the crisis?
What if you are not the one who has a solution for every problem?
We rarely plan for failure, but at some point, we ought to consider the possibility that we are simply not it. Perhaps, we are not the main character, after all. What happens when we realize that?
There are still a lot of things we can be. We can be the guide, the supporting role, the cameo, or the director. We can still play a part and also decide that, after all, it is not the movie we want to be part of.
A narrow approach will limit our peripheral view.
And there’s so much more out there that’s waiting to be appreciated.
That thing that’s keeping you from delivering on your promise – to yourself or to someone else. Is that an excuse or a reason?
People – ourselves included – have little tolerance for excuses. If we keep repeating them over and over again, they do not become more acceptable. They simply make the relationship more difficult.
Understand the difference and take a stand.
Fun fact: we tend to hide excuses, burying them inside long monologues or beyond a volatile interpretation of data. Reasons, on the other end, emerge whenever we need to strengthen a connection.
You need to deploy a lot of strength to get rid of bad habits.
If you check your phone every five minutes, that’s a feeling of continuos anticipation of what you might learn.
If you read work emails in the evenings, that’s a feeling of commitment and importance and busyness.
If you eat a sweet snack four or five times a day, that’s a feeling of satisfaction and fullness.
Of course, tha aftermath of a bad habit is never as good as the moment that leads to it. But we are creatures of inputs, not creatures of outputs. We care about what comes before – the thoughts, the wondering, the emotions.
That’s why you need strength to get rid of a bad habit. Start with the phone, the emails, the snack, whatever you know will lead you there.
Half measures do not work in this case.
Company principles and values should be literal and absolute.
Saying that you care about people is a powerful statement. If you then put that in practice only when people do what you want, not so much anymore.
Saying that you foster collaboration and learning is a powerful statement. If you then do that only after everyone has achieved their own personal goals, not so much anymore.
Saying that you pursue innovation at all costs is a powerful statement. If you then keep quiet every time someone makes a mistake, not so much anymore.
Companies add fine prints to culture statements all the time. Employees figure that out in no time, and they get disengaged.
Start from how things work, from what is actually happening, from reality, and work your way up.
It’s the only way to build an effective culture.
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