Tag: empathy

A bug or a feature

FabrizioLeave a comment

Many have problems coming to terms with the idea that they do not understand (something).

Even more panic at the mere thought of going in front of an audience – no matter how small, let’s say a team meeting – and admit that they do not understand (something).

If you hide your lack of understanding, you miss the opportunity to actually understand. It seems silly to just say that. But when you leave that meeting without asking the question needed to clarify the thing that is not clear, clarity will not come later on, as some sort of enlightenment. Instead, the opposite will happen. The lack of clarity and understanding will compound. That will mean an increasing feeling of being lost. For you, and also for those you might be asked to explain that very same thing to.

For years, I have seen my lack of technical knowledge in a technology-first world as a bug. Then I realized that it’s actually a feature. It’s what enables me to ask question after question. Until I get it. Until it is so clear that I can actually go and write some copy or message that makes it clear for everyone else.

And since this is not about me, I guess the point of all this is: that thing you regard as a defect, that part of you that you tend to hide, that characteristic that you feel ashamed of.

Is it a bug or a feature?

Scripts

FabrizioLeave a comment

The best way to build a relationship with others is to not treat them as if they were playing a support role in your masterpiece script.

Like the entrepreneur who can’t figure out why employees don’t care as much as they do. Or the manager who gets mad when someone resigns for a better position. Or the friend you don’t hear from anymore because you moved to the neighbouring city. Or the parent who can’t accept the fact their kids are taking a path they had never imagined for themselves.

Everyone has their own script they are working on, and when two people come together to co-author some parts of theirs, it’s a blessing, not an obligation.

We tend to forget that very easily.

Authenticity

FabrizioLeave a comment

Authenticity is a choice.

It’s a choice between trying to have it all and pursuing only what matters. Between trying to please everyone and accepting that some – most perhaps – will not like the things you do. Between cutting corners and taking the path less traveled. Between bending others’ rules and setting your own rigid rules.

Authenticity is difficult not because people don’t know how to be authentic. It is difficult because in most cases choosing authenticity is inconvenient.

Better feedback

FabrizioLeave a comment

You don’t care!

It just seems as if you don’t care.

When you are late in the morning, I feel like you don’t care.

When you are late in the morning, I feel frustrated, as I get to question your commitment.

The four statements all say the same thing. The way this is done, though, is extremely different. Only the last one opens the listener to what comes next.

And since we too easily tend to project our feelings on others’ behaviours – by judging the things they do under the lens of our own situation -, we need to practice how to give better feedback.

Thanks Ed Batista for the reminder.

Make it about people

FabrizioLeave a comment

Experiences matter not because of the results you are getting, not because of the expertise you accumulate, not because of the final outcome, not because of the knowledge you did not have before.

They matter because of the people you share them with.

Make it about people, sooner rather than later.

That’s a way to cherish every moment of the journey.