Tag: empathy

Chosen

FabrizioLeave a comment

When choosing someone for a task, make sure you clarify the reason why they’ve been chosen.

You were the first one entering the door this morning.

Everyone else is very busy at the moment.

We’ve already purchased a license for you.

I allocated the tasks so that everyone has a fair chance to show their value.

Sure, these are reasons, and they are used more often than one thinks. But if we leave these decisions to chance or rationality, chances are the person chosen will not really feel motivated to do the task. After all, if anyone can do it, why give that little bit more, why deliver your best game, why bother in the first place.

We consider this a critical task for the company, because of X and Y. You have shown you can deliver fantastic job in this area, for example when Z. You have also told me that you are passionate about A and would like to contribute. This is why I could not think of anyone better in the team to take on this challenge and really turn things around. What do you think?

On the other hand, if the decision is based on a real knowledge of the other person, of their job, of their strengths, of their passions, of what they care about. Well, you can expect the outcome to be a whole lot different, can’t you?

Let feedback go

FabrizioLeave a comment

When we give feedback, in the same way as when we offer our help, the next best thing to do is to let it go.

Clinging to it is counterproductive, and most likely only the person receiving it knows if it’s going to help them or not.

By all means, give feedback. And then let it go.

You are out

FabrizioLeave a comment

There comes a time in most relationships (sentimental or not) when the parts involved simply do not trust each other anymore.

No matter what they say, no matter how hard they try, no matter how much time and resources you spend making their case.

Actually, continuing to state the case in these situations is futile. Chances are the main arguments, values, plans are at least part of the reason why the distrust started developing. So, if that’s all each part has to contribute, the relationship is over.

The only thing to do in these cases is take a step back.

Open your mind, listen, apologize if needed (it usually is). Be critical of your original stance and see if there’s still space for a part of it.

Relationships, as most things, evolve. When you do not evolve with them, you are out.

The world around us

FabrizioLeave a comment

How do we understand that the world does not revolve around us?

That a person we barely know is behaving in an unpleasant way not to make us feel bad?

That our dearest friend is not calling anymore not because they no longer find our company pleasant?

That our boss has not picked our work not because it is of a lower quality?

That our partner is being more silent lately not because they are mad at us?

We are all main characters to our own story. Once we unlock this understanding, we can start approaching the facts of life with empathy and openness, instead of seeing them as a confirmation of our unworthiness.

It is time.

We have lost

FabrizioLeave a comment

It’s not for us to judge what others do.

There are systems in place for that, and as individuals and human beings, we should not feel entitled to decide if other people’s behaviour is right or wrong.

Today we are given the illusion that we have this right, that it is necessary for us to let everybody know what we think about this or that event.

We have lost the capability to use others’ actions for self-reflection (and betterment), and we just cherry pick facts and happenings that confirm to ourselves and the world we are already better, smarter, braver, fairer.

We have lost the empathy to understand others behave like they do not because they are mean, devious, malicious, but just because they are facing our very same challenges, trying to make sense of a life that does not help them in the effort.

We have lost the courage necessary to look within ourselves first, to sit in front of a mirror and think about who we are and who we are not, the things we like and we want more of, the things we dislike and we want less of, and we drown in a continuous flow of superficial interactions that end up being shouts in the dark.

We have lost, and we are losing every day the sense of perspective, of what is important, of why should I care, or what is my role in all this.

We have lost, but we can take all of this back. It’s a choice we make every day.