Change does not happen because you want to.
Change happens because enough people want to.
And so, the first step towards change is figuring out what others feel about it.
You might get stressed, impatient, irritated by the whole process. But if you cannot handle that, how could you handle what is coming after things have changed?
I did nothing wrong.
Defensiveness is often the go-to strategy when we are put on the spot. In all honesty, though, we would be more accurate saying I did mean nothing wrong, or even better My intentions were in the right place.
When somebody negatively reacts to something we did or said, something clicks in our mind that forces us to preserve our reputation. It is a natural mechanism, nothing easily preventable, but if you think about it, that “something” is assuming that: 1. we are infallible; 2. if we fail, we fail deeply, as a person, as a human being.
Both are false, of course. And so, next time you feel the urge to say I did nothing wrong, stop for a moment and try instead asking How did what I said felt?, or What can I do better next time?, or even How can I make this right?
It is only by avoiding to take things personally and by expressing a real interest in what the others feel and perceive that we can build strong relationships.
And become, little by little, an improved version of a human being.
When you pick up the phone while you are driving, you are choosing a short-term gratification (reading the message you just got) over a long-term impact (the attention you need to drive safely).
When you speed up to pass the car in front of you, despite the continuous line, you are choosing a short-term gratification (the impression to be able to get to your destination faster) over a long-term impact (the care and patience you need to drive safely).
When you click on the notification that pops up on your screen while working, you are choosing a short-term gratification (being on top of what is happening) over a long-term impact (delivering your work with consistence).
When you scream in the face of the person in front of you, you are choosing a short-term gratification (a rush of power, or letting go of your stress) over a long-term impact (building a relationship of trust, or training your capacity of not reacting).
When you skip your daily training, you are choosing a short-term gratification (an hour or so of available time) over a long-term impact (being in good shape and health).
You get the drill.
Most of our small, daily choices are a trade off between gratification and impact. Of course, we do not pay much attention to most of them, because that is not the way we are wired.Yet, we tend to forget that the long term is but a succession of short terms, not something magic that will spark out of nothing at some point in time.
Be intentional about what you do.
When you stop looking at others as threats to your own success, they will automatically turn into a possibility to learn, into someone who can enable your next project, into people you can help in their own journey.
It is just a matter of perspective.
Sometimes it feels like banging your head against a wall. And sometimes it feels like that for most of the things that make up our days.
In these times, the importance of a practice cannot be overestimated. Getting back to doing, sitting down to deliver, adding a “+1” to whatever streak matters to you, can help immensely in keeping sane.
Practices can be developed in good times, and it is in difficult times that they save you.
You've got this 