Tag: empathy

Disappointment

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Disappointment is about anticipated rewards.

Sometimes the anticipated rewards are the result of our ambitions, aspirations, dreams, desires, experiences. We are active part in building up our expectations, to the point that it often becomes impossible for the actual thing to satisfy them.

Sometimes they are set by others with their ads, content, hype-building tactics, public relations, supposed culture. They prepare a mental image for us that buys us in and eventually turns out to be just too good to be true.

Disappointment is a fundamental part of life. The first type helps us stay grounded, adjust our course, understand how things work. The second type tells us about relationships, who to trust, to what extent and in which circumstances.

And most of all, disappointment is a reminder that while we often govern the inputs, we have little to no power over the outcomes.

That is fine.

Bridge

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When one gets squeezed between two opposing forces, it is quite usual to start depicting both forces as enemies.

Lousy middle management is a great representation of this.

Middle managers are at the crossroads of contrasting needs and ambitions, and the result can easily get to “management has unreasonable expectations” and “my team is lazy and ineffective“.

Of course, this is a divisive approach. Soon enough everybody hates everybody, nobody is happy, and things never get done.

Being in the middle, though, also means having the opportunity to build a bridge. To stop and sit down and listen to what those needs and ambitions are about, help each part to formulate them in a way that makes sense to the other, and finding ways to be helpful and support action in a common direction.

It takes time, energy, and a lot of confidence in ourselves and others. And it always pays off.

Extend your hand

FabrizioLeave a comment

When there is tension, when you feel those that are not on your side are simply too far away, when talking is arguing, when it seems impossible to find common ground.

Extend your hand.

A small step

FabrizioLeave a comment

When you talk about change, you might get a lot of resistance or a lot of cheering. Most likely, a mix of the two.

In both cases though, you are not one step closer to the change you are seeking.

And that is because telling about change is only one small step on a highway that also features telling about change again, finding supporters and aids, telling once more, showing what change is, buying in those who are against it, preparing everyone for change, reshaping the change story and spread it a bit farther, measuring change, following up to change, and initiating what comes after change.

A meeting or an email might be a good start, they are never the end of it. Even when everyone agrees. Particularly when everybody agrees.

Feelings and stories

FabrizioLeave a comment

If it feels like you are stuck in life, try expanding the time frame. You might be the same as one month ago, or one year ago, but what about three years, five years, ten years ago?

And should that not work, try changing the stick you use to measure. You might have been in the same role for a while, but what about your personal life, your circle of friends, your involvement with the local community?

The point is, if it feels like you are stuck in life, it is most likely just a feeling, and feelings come and go, as long as you do not transform them into stories.