Tag: empathy

Eager

FabrizioLeave a comment

It is great to be excited about something, to be enthusiastic, to be waiting for it, to prepare and make sure everyone gets the best out of the experience.

It is way less great when the attitude gets past excitement and shifts to eagerness. Eager as in sour, bitter, rough, forceful, pungent. It is when you do not leave others space. When you cut others short to make a point. When saying what you think to know is more important than letting others tell of their experience. When you make decisions without consulting, when you change the work without informing, when you demand agreement without explaining, when you take the spotlight without elevating.

Enthusiasm is contagious. But if you are eager instead, you will go alone.

The ruler

FabrizioLeave a comment

We all measure success by some kind of ruler, and this ruler needs to have two characteristics.

It needs to be consistent. So that you can measure ups and downs over time, and maintain the course on the same objective (or set of objectives).

And it needs to be relevant. To you, and to those you seek to serve, your audience, your people.

If you change the ruler, distort the scale, zoom in and zoom out, what you get is not a consistent and relevant measure of your success.

Raising the bar

FabrizioLeave a comment

Why would I?

Wear a mask.

Commit to that project.

Take the first step to mend a relationship.

Respect the rules.

Be kind to others.

Pay taxes.

Give back to the community.

Sit down and just listen.

Not lie.

When nobody else is doing it?

It is a way of hiding that lowers the bar. In your family, your company, your circle, your life. Chances are that nobody is acting out of habit, ignorance, laziness. Perhaps all they need is somebody who shows them a different way.

That somebody could be you.

Different languages

FabrizioLeave a comment

Sometimes, when talking to someone, you have the feeling you are speaking different languages.

And most likely, you are.

Perhaps you are talking about emotions and values, while they are talking about next week’s plans. Perhaps you want to nail down the details for the next events, while they are questioning if an event should be organized in the first place. Perhaps you are seeking guidance and wisdom, while they are just having a harsh period and all they can give is a condescending nod.

When this happens, the best thing you can do is to stop it right there. Not because you are right and they are wrong, not because you want to make a point, not because you are running late for your next meeting. Simply because it is a dead-end street.

Next time try negotiating the terms of the conversation right at the beginning, or even better when scheduling it.

I am seeking advice here.

I want to get a list of three actions we are going to take to move this forward.

I feel uncomfortable and demotivated, and I would like to have an open chat about my feelings.

I need to know what you are going to know about this.

Agree on a common ground, and things might end up in a better place.

Contradiction

FabrizioLeave a comment

Every father (every parent, to be fair) learns to live with a sort of contradiction.

On one side, you know your kids are the most important thing in life. You would do anything for them, and in many cases you do. You put them first when you plan, you consider their feelings and needs to an extent you have never before experienced. You change your habits, your routines, your hobbies, and your interests.

On the other side, you gradually learn that you are the most important thing in their lives. That your sacrifice is often not needed, and sometimes even counterproductive. That your stretching yourself too thin means your kids will have to deal with a cranky and angry adult. And they will learn that’s how you are supposed to behave. That planning half an hour to do your stuff, undisturbed, will allow you to dedicate your full attention to them for the following couple of hours.

And so, we live with this contradiction, we struggle to find a balance, we tell ourselves stories. Until we realize that it is not a contradiction at all. No one who does not take care of themselves can expect to have a healthy relationship with anybody, let alone kids.

You put yourself first, to put them first.

Happy Father’s Day (in the Nordic Countries, at least)!