As a leader, the surest way to have your team contribute is to speak when a question is needed and to shut up in the process of finding the answer.
The problem is that we often get this all wrong. And so direct reports ask questions and managers give answers, nurturing an organization that is bottlenecked, does not grow, and demotivates.
Leaders, be vulnerable and let go.
The stigma around topics such as failure, ignorance, inexperience makes us hide the very same seed that would allow us to grow. We do not ask the question, we do not show the weakness, we do not seek guidance. Eventually we end up being the same, if not diminished.
We are more silent when we should be more vocal.
And on the other hand, we are met with silence when we should be cheered loudly.
How often do you share just to meet an embarrassed withdraw? How often do you ask just to meet an awkward silence? How often do you open up just to meet shameful rejection?
Everything is dull and easy on the surface.
It is when you go deep, and allow the others to go deep, that things start getting interesting.
If you are starting in a new role, make it your first priority to talk to people who work close to you.
Your direct reports, their reports, your peers, those you will collaborate with in adjacent teams, your manager, their manager.
There is no rule for where you should stop, just do it with common sense.
And while the instict would probably push you to use the conversations to promote yourself, your background, your agenda, make it so instead that you will mainly listen. Understand who you are talking to, what motivates them, how they get measured, what success means to them.
If you do that effectively, you can’t fail. You will deliver exactly what they need, and they will be the ones promoting you and your agenda when that is needed.
Listening is the best self-promotion tool.
If only should be the last resource when we are trying to find a reason. In reality, we often use it as the go-to excuse when we are trying to hide.
If only the weather was good, I would go for a walk.
If only they would care, I could publish more articles.
If only my boss would get me, I would finally be promoted.
If only my partner would listen, our relationship would be fine.
Many situations are better approached from the inside out. What can you change? What can you control? What are the things you are going to do no matter what?
When you do that, if only fades away. And you will find there is more you can do to change the narrative you are stuck into.
We all like a hero story, and a very heroic idea is that our lives, our careers, our relationships (and sure, also our marketing efforts) will be memorable because of a few big moments.
There are two problems with this approach.
First, it sets a waiting attitude. We wait for something to happen, and even when we intentionally work to make it happen, the focus is always on that wonderful moment that will magically fix everything else.
Secondly, it makes us stop caring about the small things. The idea is that details or small items do not matter because they will not make an impact.
*This is, by the way, also the reason why we say yes so often. We measure the social downside of saying no against the tiny effort of saying yes to a short meeting, a tiny task, a small favour. While actually we should measure that against the long-term accumulation of small things that prevents us from achieving anything.*
It is the sum of small things that gives purpose and meaning.
And small things are here and now.
Be ready to embrace and protect them.
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