We navigate most conversations with the following question in mind.
What can I say so that the other will like me?
And even when we interpret the other’s will perfectly, we never leave the conversation with a feeling of satisfaction and achievement.
We should instead head into the conversation with an answer to the following question.
What can I say so that, at the end, I will give myself a high five?
Feedback is such a popular topic nowadays that managers are pretty much forced to give some.
And so, they resort to “good job!” – or the equivalent “great job!”, “terrific!”, “fantastic work!”.
If you are getting that, take the time to make your manager’s life a bit more challenging. No need to worry, you are just asking them to do their job.
Ask them.
What did you find good in what I did?
What do you think could have been better?
How would you have managed that situation?
How does this relate to our high level goal?
Where do I grow from here?
There are moments of crisis in every group, in every team, in every company.
And if you lead, you ought to try and turn the crisis into an opportunity to strengthen the bonds.
Confirm with your people what the purpose is. The vision, the long-term game, the utopia you are heading towards despite the temporary setback.
And then agree on what the tactics are, what you are going to do today that’s going to take you all closer to the purpose.
The two parts go hand in hand, and that’s where most leaders fail. They either move from one tactic to the next, in the hope to find a purpose. Or they use tactics that are taking them away from the purpose, with the excuse of trying to address the crisis (“we will do what is right once the crisis is over” is not a very effective narrative).
When purpose and tactics are aligned, here are three important questions to answer to keep everyone informed and cared for as you get to it.
Looking at things from another person’s perspective does not mean you are giving up. It does not mean you are wrong. It does not mean you agree with them. It does not mean that you are going to change your mind.
It merely means that you are open to accept that the other person is living through different circumstances, has a different set of prioritites, has different feelings, fears, and thoughts. It means you are ready to appreciate how variegated human behaviour can be. And it means that you care.
It’s not a loss. It’s the first step towards building empathy.
Beyond the headline below, there is a committee.
There is marketing with an idea. There is sales with a preferred way to tell about the product. There is the executive team with their years of tenure and the history of the organisation. There is product with a use case, and product marketing with the results of market research.
And of course, there is no customer.
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