Tag: change

Lies spread

FabrizioLeave a comment

Many years ago, I was once interviewing with a company, and during the hiring process I realised that they were lying to their audience.

It was not a big lie, it was about inflating some numbers to look bigger, something that most companies do. I was kind of surprised with the tone one of the executives in the room told me that was a lie: it felt like I was talking to a kid caught with their hands in the cookie jar, he was very apologetic, and he had a very good and thorough explanation on the reasoning behind the lie.

That episode should have been an eye-opener to the culture I could have found in the day-to-day operations. Because the fact is, lies spread.

A lie leads to more lies. It is very difficult to stop at one lie, to just say this little one once, for the best possible reason, and then go back to telling the truth.

A lie infects others. It is more than likely that, if you start with a lie, others around you will not be honest and transparent in return.

A lie begs for a wider audience. If you tell a lie to your customers, chances are next you are going to lie to your business partner, to the shareholders, to the employees, to the community.

Interviews are full of these kind of hints. But we are often blind to them, as we tell ourselves the story that having a job is the priority. It is not, and we could be better at picking jobs that align with our values.

Burning or building

Fabrizio4 Comments

There are two ways to approach failure.

Focus on blame. And then put all your energy in arguing, sentencing, punishing, recovering from the missed opportunity, and eventually (only eventually, with what’s left) rush to some practical action.

Or focus on responsibility. Own it, consult for possible solutions, move on to mitigating actions, and genuinely learn from what has happened.

The first approach burns bridges. It aims at making things clear, crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s, shaming those involved, making sure this will not happen ever again. Even when we do not mean ill, the results are the same. And we are a bit more alone, no matter if the failure was on us.

The second approach builds bridges. It aims at creating a connection, finding ways to work together, building resilience and be ready for the next one. It is incremental, and the more you do it, the more benefit you and the ones around you will get from it.

The same thing is valid for change as well, by the way.

Being wrong

Fabrizio1 Comment

There is a beautiful Ted Talk by Kathryn Schultz about being wrong.

The most interesting part starts at 3:54. It is about what being wrong feels like. There is first a significant distinction between “being wrong” and “realising to be wrong”. Then Kathryn Schultz ends the argument by saying that, while after the realisation we might feel “embarassed”, “dreadful”, and completely down, in the very moment we are wrong, the feeling is very much different.

It does feel like something to be wrong; it feels like being right.

Kathryn Schultz

We are all confident we are right about many different aspects of life, and the funny thing is the more we are, the more we try to convince others of our view. Others that, from their perspective, are absolutely right about everything.

It is an endless fight, one with no winners. To paraphrase Dale Carnagie, there is only one possible outcome to any argument. If you lose it, you lose it. If you win it, you lose it.

Nobody will ever look at you as a saviour, the one who came enlighten their path that was previously dark and full of terror. Approaching life and business from an oppositional perspective (right vs. wrong) is preparing us for a lonely and frankly boring journey.

Leaders know they don’t know, and know that the little they know today might be completely wrong by tomorrow. Finding new ways, exploring new stories, embracing the unknown, and accompanying people along, is the work of leaders.

Take up the reins

FabrizioLeave a comment

What happens all around us is not important.

What really matters, is how we process that inside. The feelings it makes us feel, the thoughts it makes us think, the physical reactions our body sends back in return, the story we tell about what is going on.

Once this is clear, it will become easier to be active part of the World and take up the reins of our lives.

The point of origin of change

FabrizioLeave a comment

If all the countries in the World would give up their military investments and gradually dismantle their military force, there would be no reason for any country in the World to invest in military and have a military force.

We agree on the fact that this will never happen.

There are many interests at stake, and most of all there is a trust issue. The general approach is “if my neighbour has one, I need one too”. Or going back to the paradox in the first paragraph, “if our neighbour does not stop investing in military, why should we?“.

Now, think about how many time throughout the day this is our approach to much more petty and fake disputes.

If the person sitting in front of me on the bus does not stand to allow an elderly person to sit, why should I?
If my sister does not call me, why should I (call her)?
If my colleague does not appreciate my job, why should I (appreciate her)?
If my community does not care about the ones who have less, why should I?
If my neighbour does not shovel the snow from the common spaces, why should I?

Sometimes change is difficult. And sometimes caring less about what the others do and being the point of origin of a change is easy and generous. And who knows the impact it can have on your and other people’s lives.