Category: self-help

Just a small part

Fabrizio1 Comment

When faced with bad news, there’s a natural reaction that almost automatically kicks in.

It’s about making the bad news the totality of our reality. We feel discomfort, pain, despair, because we have just been told that something does not conform to the idea(s) we had about our life. And we often take this to the extreme. We amplify the discomfort, the pain, the despair. It becomes all we see around us and perceive within us. We go to a dark place.

And that is fine.

As long as we know that is not true. The discomfort, the pain, the despair, they are just a part of our reality. A small part indeed. So the following step, that is all but automatic and instictive, is to look at things around us for what they really are.

Ok, we did not get the job, and still we have that hobby we always wanted to dedicate time to.

Ok, our relationship is shattered, and still we have a dear friend that deeply cares about us.

Ok, our body is not working as it should, and still our mind is present, vibrant, open.

The second step is not about being optimistic. It’s about realizing that things happen to us all the time, a neverending flow. And that focusing all our attention, energy, commitment to a single one of them, no matter how bad, is a limit to expressing the potential of each life.

The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is, there’s no ground.

Chögyam Trungpa

Feeling in charge

FabrizioLeave a comment

I have done some of my best job under pressure and deadlines. Thing is, that pressure, those deadlines, they were not imposed from the outside. They were consequences of me feeling responsible for a project, a document, a team, a deliverable.

If you impose pressure and deadlines, particularly when you do not share clear reasoning (as in “we do this because it helps us this way”), people might still do the job. Great job, though, needs internalization.

You are building future

FabrizioLeave a comment

Always do things with the long-term in mind.

What type of person do you want to be?
What companies do you want to build?
What community do you want to live in?

If you keep your focus on the long-term, and appreciate that choices you make every day are the building blocks of what long term will look like, it will be a whole lot easier to avoid the allure of shortcuts and of short term gains.

Bridges over gaps

FabrizioLeave a comment

There’s a gap between you and everyone else.

A gap between what you do and what they do. A gap between what you want and what they want. A gap between how you think things should be run and how they think things should be run. A gap between what you believe is true and what they believe is true. A gap between how you see yourself in ten years and how they see themselves (and yourself) in ten years.

It is quite easy and instinctual, in front of the gap, to either impose our point of view or completely give it up. Both are ways to avoid conflict. “You better do what I say!” or “Ok, let’s do it your way..” are shortcuts for the short terms. They work for a while. Until the other, or we, realise what it’s been renounced. Then we find the gap is still there, only wider.

Another option, more difficult to practice, taking more effort, energy and empathy, is to work to build a bridge over the gap. You build a little bit on your side, the other builds a little bit on their side. Both work to make their sides more solid, and eventually, with time, the two parts will meet.

The meeting point is something completely new, as it is not your side nor it is the other’s side. It is a new perspective, a new idea, a new way of acting, a new vision for your common future. Built on common understanding.

Great thing about bridges, others can walk on them too.

In search of a sweet spot

FabrizioLeave a comment

Taking responsibility is important, and it shouldn’t mean we have to beat ourselves up.

Not beating ourselves up is wonderful, and it shouldn’t mean we don’t have to take responsibility.

There’s a sweet spot we are looking for here.

It’s the point at which we understand that things happening are never fully one’s fault, we recognize that we had a role in making the situation what it is, and we attempt to move forward with a small or big improvement. Possibly, bringing the others involved along with us on the same path.