Category: self-help

From here to there

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When you deviate from your path, the one that is right for you (to each their own), it’s seldom because of a swerve. More often, it’s due to the accumulation of many small turns, almost imperceptible. That’s the feeling you get when you suddenly look around and all you see is unfamiliar and unsatisfactory.

How did I get here?

If you are on a trajectory that gives you purpose, you have to invest in staying on course. It does not happen automatically, it requires effort and will, and the capability to say no, over and over again. Shortcuts, fads, occasions, distractions, are around every corner. Staying on track is the whole job.

Not the only one

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You are not the only one who had a bad day.

Not the only one who’s been rejected, just when they thought this was the right time.

Not the only one whose heart beats when they are about to leap.

Not the only one who needs to juggle many things just to keep the boat afloat.

Not the only one who had a great idea that’s been stifled by bureaucracy and resistance.

Not the only one who’s losing the motivation and barely does their job.

Not the only one who’d wish they’d be loved more, appreciated more, thanked more.

Not the only one who chokes when all the eyes turns to them.

Not the only one who’s already behind on their new year’s resolutions.

Not the only one who’s never gonna write that book.

That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t hurt.

It just means you are not alone.

Waiting for others

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How much of your work is waiting for others to do something?

Work is global, interconnected, relational, shared. It’s true today and it will be even more true in the future.

Yet waiting never corresponds to adding value. So, if a good part of your work depends on others doing something, you have a huge problem that you need to address.

On the other hand, many use others as an excuse when they fail to deliver, when they are unsure on what to do, when they fear their work might be wrong, when they have something more important to take care of. This also needs to be addressed, but it’s easier (not simpler though).

Excuses and reasons

Fabrizio5 Comments

Excuses are what you come up with when attempting to convince about something you did (and shouldn’t have done) or did not (and should have done).

Reasons are circumstances that explain why you have not done something you should have, or have done something you should not have.

Excuses are fragile. They are usually ex-post (they come after the fact). They border with lies, and as nobody wants to think of themselves as a liar, they set up for discordance and self-criticism, and eventually undermine the intention of doing.

Reasons are solid. They are usually ex-ante (they come before the fact). They fire up compassion and kindness towards ourselves, and they do not harm our will to do what we initially set out to do. Perhaps under different circumstances, or better equipped to face the ones that have emerged.

Eventually, only you can say if it’s excuses or reasons you are using to not show up.

Stuck in the gap

FabrizioLeave a comment

Each one of us lives a double life.

One is who we would like to be, the story we tell ourselves (and others), the person we look up to, the one we would like to eventually become.

One is who we are in the moment, the difficulties and the frustrations, the temptations and the shiny objects, the good deeds and the not so good ones, the day after day.

Most of us are stuck in the gap. We despair because we are not who we want to be and then we fail to appreciate what happens here and now.

There’s a few things that could perhaps help get a move from that place.

Begin with keeping your ideal self consistent over time. It’s easier to hit a fixed target than a moving one.

Consider the moment as an opportunity to act against your ideal self. Keep the distance between the two to a minimum.

Remember that your ideal self is, well, ideal. Just because you lose your temper does not mean you are a bad person. Just because you did not get that job does not mean you are worthless. Just because you have failed, does not mean you are a failure.

Most importantly, make time in your life to think about this. Get conscious about where you are and where you want to go, or all the rest will be helpless.