Author: Fabrizio

Jigsaw puzzles

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The pain that we feel, the fear that stops us, the worry that keeps us up.

They rarely go away for good. They are hardwired into our brains and they tend to come back as the circumstances around us shift towards something we have already experienced in the past. Somebody who hurt us, a sudden scare for our wellbeing, an highly anticipated event.

We must be happy when we manage to put them in their place.

Like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. We cannot lose any of them, and yet as we progress, their relevance diminishes in front of the full picture.

Oneself

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Being in touch with oneself helps stay sane in these insane days.

Knowing what’s going on inside, being able to name feelings, flagging thoughts as mere thoughts (vs reality), catching signals from one’s body, sharing concerns and fears with loved ones. All this is more important than being informed on the latest numbers and the progresses towards the development of a vaccine.

We have the power to act on us, and that’s pretty much all we have control on. Whether there’s a pandemic ongoing or not.

In this together

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How are you?

How do you feel?

How is your family?

What can I help you with?

What would make your daily routine better?

What do you want to tackle this week?

How would you go about this?

Is there anything on the calendar you want to push back/reschedule/cancel?

One cannot fake empathy. But these questions are a good way to practice and get accustomed to worry more about the well being of your team than the next looming deadline.

We are in this together.

Rules

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Setting rules is necessary in some cases. And it’s also exhausting for both parts.

The one who sets the rule needs to first come up with the rule, then communicate it, then enforce it, punish non compliance and adapt the rule so that it gets to cover new cases and new behaviour.

The one who is subjected to the rule needs to understand it, absorb it, find ways to work within the boundaries set by it, and perhaps at some point fight to have it changed.

There are few things that create a greater divide than rules.

If you truly have to set one, be sure it comes from a place of recognized expertise and authority, it is well communicated and it is open-ended.

And despite the best efforts, be prepared to have the bond of trust broken.

Uncertain

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Life is uncertain.

We try to build walls around it, yet it continues to escape. Nobody could have predicted what the world is experiencing just two months ago. Nobody can argue they know what will happen in the next two.

Of course, we are living an extreme case.

But life IS uncertain, and we know it. We know how difficult it is to build a career, to make a relationship work, to be consistent in time, to raise kids, to plan for retirement, to stick to our own word, to make it worth it.

Things happen that are completely out of our control, all the time, and we suffer most when we attempt to give a sense, write a story, change it all.

There’s a way to prepare for uncertain. It is recognizing uncertainty and accept it as a given.

There can be reassurance in the chaos that surrounds us if we just stop pretending it is something we can fix.