Tag: writing

False dichotomies

Fabrizio1 Comment

Two reasons why many arguments fail to move the conversation forward and develop the relationship – from the beautiful book by Steven Pinker, The Sense of Style.

  1. We approach the argument as if it were a dichotomy. Black or white. Right or wrong. Good or evil. For as much as this is convenient to survive, it is not a great representation of how things actually are. And it is certainly not a path to understanding.
  2. We make it personal. It is rarely about finding the truth or the better course of action. It is about beating your opponent. Who is motivated by the wrong values, less intelligent, and not as refined.

When we avoid falling into these traps, we find the place for learning and growth.

Arguments should be based on reasons, not people.

Steven Pinker

Stretching further

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If you are not making mistakes (i.e., missing a deadline, delivering a project that is not ready, failing to achieve your goals, being rejected for a role you care about), one of two things is true.

Either you are covering up your mistakes or you are not stretching further enough.

The point is not being flawless.

The point is using mistakes to do three things.

  1. Prepare a space to grow into. A mistake tells where you cannot go yet. It is space to fill up, a beacon pointed in the direction of growth.
  2. Build more resilient relationships. A mistake tells you are a fearless peer. I am sorry unlocks deep empathy and fortifies the ground beneath you and those you care about.
  3. Add to your story. A mistake tells you are not done yet. When you put it into words, it becomes an inspiration and a model.

Looking the best

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The energy we invest in looking good is in a negative relationship with our ability to actually be good.

Looking the best. Being the best.

The earlier you realize which one matters, the earlier you will be gifted with time and resources to go do what you care about.

The reason is you

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At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to do, not to show up, not to participate, not to express your opinion, not to come up with a new way of doing things, not to listen. Hundreds of reason not to.

It might be the toxic environment, the unpleasant colleague, the bossy manager, the trivial task, the task that is too difficult. It might be your past, the previous experiences, a pattern that often shows up. Sometimes it’s something that was not said, sometimes it’s something that was said in the wrong tone. Or perhaps a gaze, a word, a posture, a silence, a delay. Your fears, your preoccupations, your ambitions. The culture of not to. The pressure of your peers. The reasons everyone keeps giving you.

At any single point in time, there are hundreds of reasons not to.

And only one reason to.

That reason is you.

The primary driver

Fabrizio1 Comment

It is extremely important to dedicate time to intentionally define success.

And while doing that, you have to consider the difference between success that is dependent on your own actions and success that is dependent on others’ actions or environmental circumstances.

An example.

Say you want to write a blog post a week for the next year.

Actually writing a blog post a week for the next year depends pretty much solely on you. You should have started yesterday, you could start now, you can do it. It is up to you.

Getting people to read your blog post every week, having an increasing audience month after month, closing the year with 1,000 people registered to your newsletter. These are all things that do not depend on you. Of course, you can try to influence those, but truth is you have no idea if any of that is going to happen.

So, when you define success make the distinction.

That does not mean that finding an audience, increasing your list, getting your content to more and more people does not matter. It is just out of your control, and it should never be the primary driver for your doing.