When there is tension, when you feel those that are not on your side are simply too far away, when talking is arguing, when it seems impossible to find common ground.
Extend your hand.
Tag: values
A small step
When you talk about change, you might get a lot of resistance or a lot of cheering. Most likely, a mix of the two.
In both cases though, you are not one step closer to the change you are seeking.
And that is because telling about change is only one small step on a highway that also features telling about change again, finding supporters and aids, telling once more, showing what change is, buying in those who are against it, preparing everyone for change, reshaping the change story and spread it a bit farther, measuring change, following up to change, and initiating what comes after change.
A meeting or an email might be a good start, they are never the end of it. Even when everyone agrees. Particularly when everybody agrees.
Building relationships
The way you communicate reality is often more important than reality itself in building bonds. Or breaking them.
Say you have to share a decision with your team, one that is not fully fair, one you were not involved in making, one that will not make them happy.
You can state the fact, and say there is little that can be done to change reality. You can say that “little” is something your team will have to pull off, and that the deadline for it is in one week.
Or you can still state the fact, and say you are sorry for the situation. There is still something that can be done, and you will drive the effort, coordinating the work of the different team members.
Reality has not changed between option 1 and option 2.
Relationships have though.
Attached
We get attached to things, and that hurts the most.
We get attached to things that bear no real weight in our lives. Winning or losing an argument will not make us a better human being. Getting promoted or not will not make us a better worker. A higher or a lower salary will often not change our lifestyle that much. The new idea we have failed to promote and develop will not make of us a failure.
We get attached to things, and we should just let go.
That is when a wealth of possibilities will unfold.
The way forward
When in doubt take a step back, give support, be generous, help.
Building barricades and having it your way might give you a temporary sense of control, the feeling you are about to win. It is very rarely the case.
Kindness is the only way forward.
You've got this 