Tag: values

The third reason

FabrizioLeave a comment

What is the third reason why someone does something?

The first reason is almost instinctive. It is generally about us.

The second reason is a mirror. We often make it about them.

The third reason might open up some empathy, as it has the power to be about the context.

This is how it goes.

A colleague does not answer your email requesting help.

The first reason: they do not want to help me.

The second reason: they are selfish and only care about their work.

The third reason: it is the end of the quarter, they might be busy.

Another example.

A company is not coming back to you regarding your application.

The first reason: they have rejected me.

The second reason: their HR is lazy and unprofessional.

The third reason: they have a recruitment policy in place and they are simply following it.

Thinking through the third reason makes two things possible: it moves us from a natural tendency to look at the world as if we were at the centre of it, and it builds some rules that are actually applicable to everyone. It allows more compassion for others and for ourselves. It unloads us of a burden.

Make an effort to get to the third reason. After a while, that will become your new nature.

Managing up

FabrizioLeave a comment

We take for granted that people in charge have it under control. And that makes it difficult for us to empathize with somebody who has a better pay, a better job, more power, more status, a bigger house, and the tacit or explicit appreciation of those around them.

Yet, it is so important.

The last person you want to be alone is the one you are reporting to. They need support, they need help, they need ideas, they need clarity, they need feedback, they need sharing, they need to know, they need solutions. They need you.

As part of the infinite wisdom First Round delivers to its readers, they came up with a great article full of practical tips for managing up.

You play a part in every bad boss situation you encounter in your own career.

Not particularly good

FabrizioLeave a comment

How is it that when we feel out of place we go on a crusade to show the world we actually belong?

When someone points at one of our flaws, we insist in denying it. When someone shows us a mistake we have made, we immediately think they are wrong. When facing the fallacy of our argument, we go to great lengths to distort reality and adapt it to what we are saying. When in a role that has never suited us, we try to play the part up until the damage is just too big.

We spend a great deal of energy trying to be what we are not, to protect things we normally do not care about, to convince ourselves and others of something.

We should rather just accept that we are not particularly good at most things.

And move on.

The right thing

Fabrizio1 Comment

When we do the right thing we often tend to think in terms of output.

I spoke of the injustice so they would see and fix it.

I called out that person for their behavior so they would be punished.

I studied hard for this exam so I would pass.

I have shared my experience so you would not make the same mistake.

But doing the right thing is more of a matter of input.

It is your values, your story, your purpose that you feed into the thing to make it right. What happens after should really not be that important.

Love the process

FabrizioLeave a comment

The great thing about getting better at something is that it is an infinite process.

There is no limit, no perfection.

It is something that cannot be grasped. You can look back and say: I am better at it now. And while you say it, you are already on your way to getting better.

It is not a linear development. You win some, you lose most, and yet eventually, somehow, you end up being better.

It is not an action we are particularly good at planning, and indeed most of our betterment happens without a clear path, when we do not know, when there is darkness at the end of the tunnel.

Better is a volatile concept to hang on to.

So, love the process instead and forget better.